• Bill O’Reilly on Sarah Palin not knowing Africa was a continent, not a country “She could be brought up to speed on these things.” #
• Headed to bed. Two days in a row of zero words written for NaNo, but tomorrow is my Friday and Friday is my catch up on writing day. #
• http://twurl.nl/00hege Fav CT Fact: “In From Here to Eternity, Deborah Kerr closed her eyes & imagined that Burt Lancaster was Chuck Todd.” #
• My Mom said that she was very impressed w/Obama’s speech Tues, esp. as it was “spur of the moment.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her. #
• I just canceled a company-wide program because one person wouldn’t stop effing it up & her mgr wouldn’t stop her. I hate ineffective mgrs. #
• Awesome! Jake needs another month of Vitamin K. Vet can get for me for $7/week versus $40/week. VERY glad I asked. #
• Getting ready to go home, and I have tomorrow off! WHOOO HOOO! #

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I followed a link this morning that promised me “The saddest thing you’ll see all day.” Why exactly I would want to expose myself to more sad things, or sadder things than I’d already seen and felt recently, I couldn’t tell you. But I clicked it and saw this:

I cried for that. I cried because even though I don’t support his politics, I think that Ron Paul stands for something, that he believes totally in the things he’s standing for and that he doesn’t waver from them. Even though what he’s doing isn’t resonating with most Americans, he thinks it should and he stays true to that thought. Standing firm in your beliefs, acting on your principles even when they’re unpopular and benefit you nothing, that’s one of the only things I find admirable in other people.

I cried for Ron Paul because his body language presents him as vulnerable and yet somehow stubbornly resolute in his defeat. I cried because he looked like the most alone man in the world, and I wanted to hug him. I cried because his shoes broke my heart.

I hate competition. I hate sports. I hate the Olympics. I hate trivia night and lawn darts and fantasy football. I hate television ratings. I hate that someone gets chosen last for kickball. I hate the idea of defeat. I hate for anyone to ever lose at anything.

Last night watching his concession speech I felt sorry for John McCain, because I believe he was fighting for what he believed in, and he was confounded by his country’s rejection of him. I felt sorry for Sarah Palin because I imagined she might have the grace to feel humiliated by her ignorance and the resounding message we sent her about it. Today I felt sorry for George Bush, imagining what it must feel like to know that the entire globe can’t wait to celebrate your absence.

I understand that these people can’t have what they want - the world is better off for their losing power. But I feel for them anyway.

My indiscriminate and overwhelming empathy for everyone and everything doesn’t benefit me, it only makes me feel as if I have no layer of protection between me and the entirety of the world’s pain. It makes me feel crazy, absorbing the broken dreams of everyone I see and experiencing them as if they were mine.

I cried for Ron Paul today, because I don’t think anyone should ever have to feel alone and abandoned and unsupported. I don’t want anyone to feel that they’re misunderstood, or that they’ve done their best and shown the world their soul but the world said “meh.” I want everyone’s dreams to come true, even when they’re in conflict with mine. I want everyone to win. That’s why the world breaks my heart, and why I am still crying today even though last night’s election went the way I so desperately wanted.

I just wish we all could have won—and I hope that we did.

• Obama set to lose MO by .02%, and Nader got .06%. Stop throwing your votes down the toilet, people. It makes a difference. #
• I feel like being really cynical about AK re-electing a convicted felon to the Senate, but I don’t really have the energy. Fuggem. #
• Still can’t get over it, cried all the way to work. In a good way. The world feels different. Did everyone see the global photo galleries? #
• This was posted under the headline “saddest thing you’ll see all day” & it totally made me teary. I am a sucker. http://bayimg.com/HalgkAabm #
• Effing vets. “It’s urgent, it’s urgent, it’s urgent! Don’t wait to call us back! BTW we’re all taking the week off!” #
• What are you most hoping for in the next 4 yrs? I am most hoping for a return to accountability, people being held responsible for actions. #
• If I get to hope for two things, I also hope for a populace that remains engaged with political issues & not obsessive w/celebrity gossip. #
• This presentation is kicking my a**. I have been working on it for a hundred years. #
• http://twurl.nl/v7c02r These behind the scenes Newsweek tidbits are addictive. I can’t come down from my political binge, it seems. #
• Dear My Friends Who Don’t Blog Regularly: How in the world do you expect me to follow what’s going on with you? Is there some other way? #
• Is it supposed to be dark at 5:30, or is this more of that there global warmin’? #
• OMG the End Times are here, they’re selling some kind of insane Satanic monk robes on MSNBC. http://www.getsnuggie.com #
• My fave clip from the Daily Show Election special: http://tinyurl.com/5wsvr8 “What are you twittering?” “Tweets.” #

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This had to be my favorite exchange of the night. From the “Cards? What are you, Amish?” to the sad

Jon Stewart: “What are you blogging?”
Stephen Colbert: “I’m just alerting my fans that I will be Twittering tonight.”
Jon Stewart: “What are you… what are you twittering?”
Stephen Colbert “Tweets.”

exchange.

Only now I totally want to simultube at work and bury all my rage in a bottle.

• Dear 761 words: Where are the rest of you? #
• NaNo watch = 1168/1667. Respectable for a school night. I am going to bed. (Official site still in a desperate fail-spiral.) #
• Yay for all you early voters! You rock! I am voting this afternoon after my doctor’s appt., hoping for the best. #
• From a PR perspective, wouldn’t this be a perfect day to release press info you didn’t want anyone to care about? #
• Speaking of releasing things you don’t want people to examine too closely - SPalin’s abridged medical records were released *last night.* #
• http://twurl.nl/tzhfgg They’ve ID “pranksters” who told Dems in VA to vote tomorrow. No charges. Surprise. #
• Leaving for work. Going to drive by the polling place just to have a look. #
• Stopped by to check lines (3131 Iowa) no line outside, monster inside. Will go back this PM. #
• At work. Felt like everyone was judging me when I saw the line and left. I will go back this afternoon, swear! #
• http://twurl.nl/jd54c6 HuffPo article re: Rural Missouri town and their 1 (one!) voting booth. #
• Do some work/check Twitter. Do some work/check popurls. Do some work/check HuffPo. Do some work/check email. Such is my ADD day thus far. #
• One of my staff just went to attempt a lunch hour vote in the CWE. Will let you know how it goes, and if lines are dissipating. #
• Non-election side note: I love writing LinkedIn recommendations. I work with so many outstanding creatives, it’s a joy to pimp them out. #
• Even Cocteau Twins can’t calm me down today. Who’s in charge of time moving this slowly? #
• Oh! Staff member came back with reports that voting “no big deal” in CWE, lines were “fine” She was gone less than 1hr. #
• Have given in and started listening to RevCo. Someone, somewhere, wake me up. #
• http://twurl.nl/zv1ae8 In news that surprises exactly no one, GOP operatives in Iowa are behaving like total dicks. #
• Leaving for doctor’s office, after that - voting. Wish me luck w/both. #
• Done voting, and home. Skipping the morning line was a good decision. #
• Home. At a loss as to what to do with myself. Stare at television all night? #
• http://twurl.nl/dhpvbd Yeah Oprah, it’s all about the dress. That and your continued irrelevance to the world. Go away. #
• Also on the “go away forever” list: Droopy Dog Lieberman, Joe the Tax Cheat, Elizabeth Hasselbrain and all Faux News Spouting Heads. #
• Too close to call, too early to call, too close to call, too early to call… why do I have the TV on again? #
• Wish I had tomorrow off so I could go get sloppy drunk with @todderickv and Jessica. #
• Why is Tom Delay still afforded a voice on a national political stage? Does disgrace now have an expiration date? #
• My God, someone talk me down from how hard McCain is taking MO. #
• I am obsessively refreshing http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25362534 (along with a lot of other sites.) #
• http://tinyurl.com/6fvj2q Apparently #votereport was helpful today! #
• I don’t understand the MSNBC call for Obama in NM, based on their online map. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23907597 #
• Left doctor, headed to polls. #
• RT @maddow draconian SD abortion ban & every-sperm-is-sacred CO personhood definition (abortion ban) both failed #
• Ah, and my “going to vote” tweet surfaces five hours later… #
• There’s a lot of other liberal shite going down cross country, re: medical marijuana and pro-choice issues. #

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• At work early in case I need to do another vet run this p.m. Don’t want to be here. Want to be home with Senor Crazypants. Hate this place. #
• Holy crap, someone just slapped me with an assload of tired. Apparently been running on pure tension-stimulated adrenaline for 4 days. #
• http://twurl.nl/hkh2rq Rachel Maddow article in New York Magazine. I heart her, for serious. #
• People who work in doctor’s offices should be required to take part in some kind of mandatory humanity training. #
• On hold trying to sort out medical records fiasco. Does anyone, anywhere ever know what they’re talking about before they tell you stuff? #
• Been on hold for 19 min. Ridiculous. I swear, on-hold messages suck the thoughts from my brain, can’t even remember what I was calling for. #
• Seriously, this woman at my old doctor’s office eats Bitch Flakes™ for breakfast every morning. Refusing to fax my stuff to new doctor. #
• http://twurl.nl/rjo80f Too many good facts/stats in this CBS article to sum up. Read it. Also, why do people still care about nat’l polls? #
• http://twurl.nl/qhl7c4 Wow, apparently this really WAS a jury of Ted Stevens’ peers. #
• Home. All dogs present, accounted for and apparently healthy. I can breathe again. FSM I am tired. #
• Kit Bond on Hardball. He’s just gross. Picking his ear, and I swear he just belched. Who listens to this crusty old man? #
• http://twurl.nl/ey04uk Epic FAIL = Heckuva job promotion. The legacy of GWB. #
• Keep forgetting that not everyone has a political news mainline inserted into their forearm. How do they live w/o constant updatery? #

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Consider this a placeholder for the LONG LONG ANGRY rant I am going to post later about how people who work in health care shouldn’t be such total fucking asstards.

Seriously. I think it may qualify as a screed.

Once my nap is over. Just you wait.

• I am really grooving on http://www.tweetwheel.com, shows you if the people you follow know each other. Wish it worked for people who follow me. #
• OK I give up. I’m just going to lay down on the floor & have an anxiety attack until the election is over & my dog is OK. Is that an option? #
• Going out to run some errands, looking like warmed-over donkey hell. Hopefully I will run into everyone I ever knew. #
• Back from errands. It’s an insanely beautiful day, and the foliage is doing some wacky things this year. #
• NaNoWriMo count for today = 1,800 words. Official site still crapping out something fierce. #
• Gas tank, full. Dishes, done. Errands, run. NaNo quota, met. Laundry, finishing up. Someone impersonating me has their shit together today. #
• RT @maddow Gov. Brian Schweitzer on tonight’s special Sunday show. (W00t! for extra Maddowy goodness.) #

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So tomorrow I have to go back to work, and that means I have to leave Jake here. He’s been fine all weekend, acting like he feels well, no bleeding, vomiting, petechia, nothing to give me any cause for immediate concern. But I can’t get over the feeling that as soon as he’s out of my sight something’s going to to wrong. I am nauseated at the thought of leaving him for 8 hours.

I wish that the vet(s) could have given me a prognosis that was more reassuring, or at least gave me something more concrete for my mind to chew on. Like: If “x” he will be fine, if “y” there is a problem. Right now it’s more like: if “x, y or q” there’s a problem. If none of those, there may still be a problem.

So tomorrow I am going to have to go sit at a stupid place and deal with fuckwitted morons, addressing problems of no consequence to people who will never understand WTF is going on around them, all in service to a useless cause, when all I want to do is stay home with my little guy. Life sucks like that. We have to spend all our time doing shit we hate, in order to afford the one or two things in the world we care about. Because that stupid ass job is what gave me the cash I needed to treat Jake. It pays for our house and his food. But it also sucks away part of my soul every single time I have to go to it.

Someday I have a dream of being able to afford truly employer-independent health care, and being able to survive on the income I could get from freelance work. Maybe.

So tomorrow I am going in early in case I need to leave early to run Jake to the vet for blood work. If I do, that means I will be expecting results on Tuesday. I am also seeing my new endocrinologist on Tuesday. Tuesday’s also when a little national election is happening too. You may have heard a little about that.

All in all, I think I am going to be looking forward to Wednesday when - even if it’s not the news I want - I will have some news, and get out of horrible anxiety filled waiting/limbo land.

/Sunday Rantings. Have a good week everyone.

Imogen Heap, The Walk

Inside-out,
Upside-down,
Twisting beside myself.
Stop that now,
‘Cause you and I were never meant to meet.
I think you’d better leave.
It’s not safe in here.
I feel a weakness coming on.

Alright then, (alright then.)
I could keep your number for a rainy day.
That’s where this ends.
No mistakes, no misbehaving.
I was doing so well.
Could we just be friends?
I feel a weakness coming on.

It’s not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don’t want to feel like this.
Yeah.
No it’s not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don’t want to feel like this.
So that makes it all your fault.

Inside-out,
upside-down,
Twisting beside myself.
Stop that now.
You’re as close as it gets
Without touching me.
Oh now don’t make it harder
Than it already is.
I feel a weakness coming on.

It’s not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don’t want to feel like this.
Yeah.
No it’s not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don’t want to feel like this.
So that makes it all your fault.

Big trouble losing control.
Primary resistance at a critical low.
on the, on the double gotta get a hold.
Point of no return one second to go.

No response on any level,
Red-alert this vessel’s under seige.
Total overload all systems down they’ve got control.
There’s no way out.
We are surrounded.
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it.

Freeze, awake here forever.
I feel a weakness coming on.

It’s not meant to be like this,
Not what I planned at all.
I don’t want to feel like this.
Yeah.
No it’s not meant to be like this,
It’s just what I don’t need.
Why make me feel like this?
It’s definitely all your fault.

Feel like this la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault (feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault (feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault (feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault.