So as of tomorrow – we edit! If you see me not-working you have permission to scold me, but please do not kick my ass, I am a wee bit fragile at the moment.

I’d like to think at least things can’t get any worse.

Florence + The Machine “Hurricane Drunk”

This girl has got a smile that can make me cry.

She flies outside this cage
Singing girl-mad words
I keep her dark thoughts deep inside
As black as stone
And mad as birds

This is based on the main character of my second NaNo novel, and the photography I did last week in Benton Park.

Had to do a little day-to-night action on the BG photo, but I am very pleased with it. Click here for full size (it’s worth it, much better at 1200px wide)

Also at Rendo for those who hang there.

During the process of NaNoWriMo, you learn a lot. You obviously learn about your own novel and you learn about writing in general, but you also learn a lot about yourself – as a person and a writer. What you’re capable of, your best working patterns, your hidden feelings about things which suddenly become glaringly obvious when they’re words on a screen instead of amorphous attitudes floating around in your head.

So first, you learn about these bizarre characters you have created, and what they’re up to. You learn how they talk to each other and how their world works. Some of it feels like it’s under your control, but a lot of it feels like it really isn’t. I honestly don’t know that I make things the way they are in my writing, they just are that way and I chronicle them.

Last year I had what I thought was a much stronger basis for my first novel: a cool original character, a universe to put her in, some antagonists for her to deal with, some things for her to figure out. This year I had no earthly idea what I was going to be doing, I only knew who my main character was. For a while I was sure that there wasn’t even a story there. I didn’t know what the hell this chick was doing in town. When I finally figured out why she was here I was as surprised as anyone else might have been.

Speaking of town – I made some fundamental mistakes last year, and I think the biggest one was setting the book in a city I had never lived in, only visited. While I did (and still do) love all things Savannah, the NaNo process doesn’t lend itself to lots of research time during the month. Having to leave lots of notes to yourself (figure out setting, where is this place?, find a picture of a street sign from this neighborhood, etc.) means there are chunks of writing you just can’t do during the month. This year I not only re-set the original novel to take place in St. Louis, but I also set the sequel here too. That made things much, much easier. Want to write about South Grand or the CWE? I can drive right over there for reference shots, or just to soak up the atmosphere. I included places that I shop, that I drink, that I eat. It was not only fun to fictionalize those things, but it reads much more authentically.

I was hesitant to set a book here, for a couple of reasons. I think that part of me didn’t want to be that girl – the girl who writes about the place she lives. There’s that familiarity breeding contempt thing, where I automatically think of St. Louis as being sub-standard, because I grew up here. But then I thought about it and realized I was being ridiculous, or reverse snobby or something. St. Louis is an interesting city, and even if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be much of a writer if I couldn’t make this setting work for me.

I think part of my fear was also that I didn’t want people to have an easy frame of reference into my writing. Since most of my friends also live here (and they will eventually be the first people to read what I write) they will be able to spot right away if something is inauthentic or incorrect or badly represented. And I don’t want that to be distracting for them. I can also guarantee I will want to drop kick the first asshole who says “Yeah, but Tower Grove Park is all bluegrass, they don’t have any fescue there!” or something equally nitpicky. But then again I can’t control the level of assholishness of others, and if they want to play spot-the-incongruity instead of read a book, what the hell. So I took some liberties. It’s fiction.

You also learn about yourself and your own writing style. For example, I can’t write in the morning. I can putter around in the morning, I can drink tea and do research and play on the computer and pretend I will start writing, but I never got anything done before about 4 p.m. Sorry morning writer people who swear you have to write 250 words before you take your fist pee of the day. That doesn’t work for me. 4 p.m.-11 p.m. is my window. I also learned that I can write in the house, with all its myriad distractions. Last year I was a coffee shop writer, convinced that only outside my home could I clear my mind and get some work done. With Jake being sick and needing me to keep an eye on him I was forced to write at home in the beginning of the month. Turns out I can write just as well there. Sometimes a coffee shop can be good if you have to marathon, but for normal daily writing, home works for me just fine.

I’ve learned that a big part of my review process is re-reading my work out loud. When I do that I recognize where the flow and pattern of the words is off. I hear where another word would sound better and I spot where I’ve used the same word 3x on the same page, and need to bust out the thesaurus. Reviewing out loud = key.

I’ve learned that the time you give yourself for pondering plot points is just as important, if not more so, than time you give yourself at the keyboard. I’ve learned that I do my best plot-related thinking in the shower (I’ve also learned that since that’s the case, this isn’t a good month to have your water heater go out.) The smoothest, best writing sessions I had were right after “Aha!” moments in the shower, when whole chapters would come to me at once. After that it was really just going to get it all down on paper, rather than sitting at the keyboard wanting to bash it with my head.

I’ve learned that my writing is dark, sarcastic, negative, funny, intense and possibly hard to take in large quantities – just like me. I’ve learned that when I try to write in a way that’s positive, cheery or optimistic I end up wanting to punch myself in the face until I pass out from it. That’s not to say there’s no hope or optimism or good things in anything I write, it’s just that it has to come out in a way that’s natural for me, and forcing a different tone isn’t going to work. Some of my characters are more positive than others, but the writing itself is just dark. I experience the world as a hostile place, full of horror and badness and confusing pockets of evil, and that’s what I convey when I write about it. Sometimes the world flashes some good things my way, and those come through too, but not being true to my own authentic way of being in the world makes for very bad, very painful writing.

I’ve learned that I can make myself do things I don’t want to do. That I can do things even when I am bored of them, that I can challenge myself and live up to that challenge. That’s good. That’s what makes me proud of me right now.

That’s also bad, because if I can set challenges with regard to writing and live up to them, then I can probably challenge myself to do other things I don’t want to do, and live up to that too. That sucks. I now have no more excuses for not getting some other areas of my life together. “I just can’t make myself do that.” no longer appears to be an option, so I will have to face up to actually doing some things, or being honest that I just refuse to make myself do them. Personal accountability sucks.

One book I’ve really found useful in this process (and I think I will continue to find it useful in the revision process) is the Gotham Writer’s Workshop “Writing Fiction” which has all kinds of practical useful reminders about writing style.

I’ve also been using The Complete Encyclopedia of Elves, Goblins, And Other Little Creatures by Pierre DuBois which is densely written, but has some good information and inspiration in it.

Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds by Bernd Heinrich  has been invaluable, as has the website Language is a Virus with their awesome character name generators and databases.

Anyway, I think that’s all for what I learned this month. Now comes the harder part – revision! But first I think a few weeks of reading, reading other first-person novels primarily, to see how good writers do it – and just some time away from the book so I can come at it with fresh eyes.

Thanks for putting up with my ranting and raving this month, and thanks to everyone who encouraged me to get this done. I appreciate your support.

I took off every Friday in November to give me more time to get my NaNo book written, and it really helped. I finished NaNo a day early, and will post more on that later. It was amazing, and I can’t believe I did it. So I am glad I took the time off. I also needed this break from work, and I needed to be able to look forward to not being in the office one day a week. This month it has seemed more like work is just something I have to do sometimes rather than the All Encompassing, Never Ending Badness That Rules My Waking World.

And now it’s December. Well, tomorrow it will be. Holidays, festivity, snow. I have to work THREE WHOLE WEEKS in a row with no days off except weekends! Eeek! But then I get a nice chunk of time off work, almost two full weeks. So that’s much to look forward to.

The house… well, I am continually challenged by the perils of home ownership. This time coming to me in the form of a malfunctioning water heater. I loathe dealing with things like this. The interminable phone calls, the arguing with people who don’t speak English, the waiting for repair people, the phone calls back to India, the arguing, the realizing it’s still not working even though the guy just left and swore it was fine. The having to shower at your friend’s place. The feeling that if only you were somewhat smarter you could sort this out. The feeling that you’re the only person in the wold this kind of thing happens to.  Bah to all of it. And when this gets sorted out it’s just going to be something else, some other broken down malfunctioning thing. It wears on me, wears me out. I am trying to just breathe deeply and deal with it as it happens, but it’s hard.

One day I am going to learn to roll with the punches, but you know better than to think today’s that day.

Anyway, that’s all for this month. I blinked and I missed it. But if I recall correctly, it was a lot of fun.

Had to take Jake back to the vet yesterday, it was almost time for his bloodwork and I noticed some spots on his stomach that I suspected might be petechia again. It’s hard to tell because they’re basically just red dots & blotches, so any scrape he gets might look like that. The vet said better safe than sorry, given the condition he’s got, so they went ahead and moved his bloodwork up by a few days. Called this morning and his white blood cells and platelets are slightly elevated. This is actually good, because it must mean that his body is making some of its own platelets by now. I am still waiting for the results of the clotting factor test, but since these marks on his stomach haven’t spread I am hopeful that they’re just scrapes or something.

Anyway, that’s all for me. I am still waiting on news from MyTodd™ about some kind of fracas at his after-hours last night. Apparently there was an ambulance involved. I am glad I went home straight from the bar, his after-hours parties scare me.

Looking forward to NaNo being done and really doing a lot of reading in December. Instead of writing goals, I think I may set myself reading goals next month. People have suggested a lot of their favorite 1st person works of fiction to me, but if you have more please shoot them my way.

Observe my younger cousin on the left side of the image, looking at the camera. Observe my older cousin on the right side of the image, looking at the camera. Observe me and my brother in the middle, not only not looking at the camera, but not even being distracted in the same direction. There’s some kind of grander statement about our personalities there, but I don’t have the brainpower to make it right now.

Also, I think my NaNoWriMo book might be about an entirely different character than I intended. Which is weird, but also how it’s forming itself as I ponder it.

That’s it for Thurssday randomosity for now.

Oh lord, it’s so hard
it’s so hard when you’re living in the devil’s playground
in the devil’s playground

There’s some man that is starting a war and I feel like we’re knocking on heaven’s door
You better let me in
I wanna get in

Gram Rabbit – Devil’s Playground

Last year was my first year participating in NaNoWriMo. I had a crazy-insane wild ride and I did win by getting to 50k words. I got the complete structure of my novel down so I have a beginning, middle and end to my story, I just needed to do more research and rewrites. (“Just” probably needs to be in quotes there.)

Right after November I had a major trauma at work, broke a bone, got really sick and then proceeded to have an utterly crap year. Last year’s novel is therefore not completed. I am still working on it whenever I can. I understand that this is not National Novel Editing Month, so I shouldn’t use it to work on an old piece.

I’d always planned a sequel to last year’s story. That was bopping around in my head even as the first book took shape, so I am considering writing that this year – but I hesitate because last year’s novel isn’t finished and shiny-pretty with a beautiful bow on top. Since I am new to this, I need advice.

On the one hand, writing the sequel may help me to refine the original. On the other hand… what? Will writing something new before the old thing is totally put to bed destroy the creative process on the first piece? I have a situation this year in which I can take significant time off work to devote to writing in November, and I hate to pass up a year of participation just because I haven’t finalized my last work.

So, for those of you who’ve been doing this for a while, what is the best course of action? To write or not to write?

It’s with a pretty frikking great sense of accomplishment that I can say to you that I WON THAT SHIT and I have now completed National Novel Writing Month by writing 50, 265 words of my novel “Conversations with a Crypt Sprite.”

There is editing to be done, there are revisions and additions and if the good Lord’s willing and the creeks don’t rise there’s going to be a research trip to Savannah in my near-to-middling future, but I have done what I thought was absolutely impossible and I have WON THIS SHIT in the middle of crisis at work and drama everywhere I turn and working 12 hour days and getting huge blisters and having people tell me I talk too fast and having strangers talk to me at stores and consuming seriously scary and unhealthy amounts of chai tea and I can tell you that I am pretty damn proud of me.

Thanks for reading my bitching, if you did indeed do so, all this month.

I will bitch more later in the way you’ve come to know and love, but about totally different things. I don’t know if I will do this again next year, but the fact that I have taken this idea that’s been in my head for the last 2 or 3 years and gotten it out on paper (or, pixels, or bytes, or whatever) is amazing. A-MAZ-ING. Rock on, me.

That’s all!

I feel like the most alone person in the entire world, buried under a mountain of work so big I can’t breathe. I am so ready for this month to be over, this day to be over, this week to be over.

Also I feel sorry for myself (obviously).

Come December come.