You know what the internet needs more of?

Naked, skinny white chicks. Really, I would like access to more images of naked, skinny white chicks looking as if they really want you to fuck them, or looking dead, or looking vacant-eyed, or looking underage, or looking like they’re gonna do something sexy with another naked skinny white chick, or looking frightened or threatened or in pain. Or just plain old skinny naked white chicks with random sexyface. There is just not really enough of that shit. Naked skinny white chicks as art. Naked skinny white chicks as fashion. Naked skinny white chicks as accessories. Naked skinny white chicks as social commentary. Sometimes I think that when we went off the gold standard, our national currency secretly became based on naked skinny white chicks. (Images NSFW)

Casual Sexism in Action

Saw this in my Facebook feed this morning.

After I saw it, I had to go look Cat Cora up, as I had no idea who she was. Some kind of beauty queen/fashion model/sex worker, I presumed? Someone whose living was made by being “hot?” Someone whose “hotness” was in some way germane to the discussion of their attendance at an event?

But no. She’s a chef. A female chef. This means that instead of talking in any sensible way about her actual accomplishments and the purpose of her appearing at this venue, we get a personal opinion on her “hotness.” Presumably, no one is coming to listen to her talk about food, there will just be a bunch of guys beating off in the audience?

This very casual assumption that it’s OK to talk about the perceived attractiveness of women in every circumstance is blatantly sexist. Women are (in actual fact!) about more than their physical appearance. They have talents and skills and brainz, and all kinds of stuff! Not just Teh Tits!

I would assume that most people would not give a status update like this a passing thought. It’s completely natural in our society to remark upon a woman’s perceived “hotness” as if it is her duty to be hot, and our right to judge that hotness and remark upon it freely. There is no mention here of her actual purpose in showing up, what she will be talking about, her title of “chef”or any link to websites where one can get more information or even frame who this person is. We get only the information that’s most important. This female will give you a boner!

How interesting it would be if women were instead judged on the merits of the tasks they’re actually performing, and this kind of casual, blatant sexist crap set off everyone’s bullshit meter.

Here’s Something Baffling

I am trying to picture this scenario: You’re getting intimate with someone, and you’re all up in your underpants, and then said person decides they’re NOT going to go for it after all (Which, you’d think they’d have known before everyone got unclothed and stuff.) But then they accidentally catch a whiff of your pheromone-laced underdrawers, and then the game’s back on?

What?

SO many questions.

1. So why did everyone take off their clothes if they weren’t already pretty sure they were going there? Did everyone’s clothes accidentally fall off? Does that happen a lot? If it does, can someone let me know? I would not want to be startled if such a thing were to occur.
2. If everyone’s derobing and a decision is made not to go where one thought things were going, what precipitated this mind-change? I would hold that there would have to be a pretty good reason.
3. Would you really want to override that reason with pheromones? Is this a legitimate thing? Like, “Oh no on third thought I don’t want to have intimate relations with… *sniff sniff* well hang ON a minute!”
4. If this is meant to be inhaled/ingested/experienced with clothes ON, well, that’s a different thing. But if it IS meant to be inhaled/ingested/experienced with clothes on, then why is it an underpants dip? Why can’t you just spray it on your jeans or your shirt or something?
5. Once the clothes are off and everyone is in an amorous mood, aren’t there supposed to be actual self-made pheromones at work? You can’t tell me that if everyone’s in their underpants and turned on, the primary thing people will be smelling is this panty spray. People have, you know, natural scents when they’re turned on, yo.

I just… I am having a hard time picturing a scene where a person is within underpants-clad, crotch-sniffing range of me and this pheromone spray would be what it took to seal the deal. And if it WAS, then possibly there are larger issues at hand. I am pretty sure my reaction in such a scenario would be way more along the lines of “Hit the fucking road, asshole.” than “Holy shit, wish I had wet my crotch down with pheromones, this may have given me the edge I needed! Damn my own eyes!”

So I don’t really get it. But hey, here’s an idea. Perhaps this is just some random crap someone thought up to sell to women who are made to feel insecure about their sex appeal and natural body odors…? And the thinking is that one can make that pink and pretty and then capitalize on that pretty pink insecurity and make some money with this worthless product? Just a thought.

Perky Panties (link may be NSFW)

On Being Loud and Angry and Unapologetic

I’ve been thinking lately about how often I use conciliatory/calming modifying language when I speak to people about things that I assume will make them uncomfortable. I do it too much, I know that. I have long-since broken myself of the habit of saying things like “Well, I am probably wrong but…” or “This may not be relevant, but…” or “You know, I really don’t know too much about this, but I think that maybe….” because I have read a whole heck of a lot of gender related communications research and I recognize that these are conversational tactics that females develop in response to being in male-dominated environments (it usually starts in classrooms) and that while they’re a natural response to having your voice drowned out over and over and over, they’re damaging and they allow people to discount what you’re saying before you even start. And so I do not do that anymore. If I am going to open my mouth what I say is going to be worth you listening to, goddammit, and it’s going to be relevant, goddammit, and if you don’t think so you’re free to argue that point with me, but I am not going to preempt my own damn statements by assuming that other people won’t find them important. And I see other women doing that shit, especially in work meetings, and aside from wasting time it infuriates me so that I want to punch them in the head. Own your space, own your words, don’t apologize for existing and having thoughts. Don’t do it!

It would perhaps behoove me to have more patience, as not everyone has studied the issue like I have, and many women probably do not realize that they are doing it. But you know what? I am not all that well known for my patience with ignorance and women who fuck shit up for themselves and other women and make themselves seem ineffectual and weak.

So I’ve stopped that preemptive “please disregard what I am about to say” bullshit. But what I have not been able to stop is this damn conciliatory nonsense-speak. Like: “Look, all I am saying is…” and “…is my only point.” and “OK not to be rude here but…” and “…if you can see what I am saying…” all that bullshit, hand-stroking “Please listen to me although my words might just make you outraged and FSM knows we can’t have anyone being outraged with my words! Oh noes!” crap.

Because FSM forbid that I just own my own truth and tell it to you straight out and damn the consequences. We can’t have that. People might get MAD! Or offended! Or think I am a jerk! And I should be NICE! Really nice! All the time! I shouldn’t get angry at all these angry-making things! I should not be outraged! It’s bitter and weird! I am all nonsensical! Why can’t I calm down and be civil?

And you know what? Blah. I am tired of being nice in response to not-niceness. The world is not very nice, I don’t know why I am expected to be all nice back at it. When I am talking about things that might offend other people, it’s usually because those things are harsh and ugly and offensive, and *I* am offended, and it’s really pretty damn Jem-level truly outrageous shit. So I can probably stop with that “Hey women have it tough, is all I am saying! Please don’t be mad that I made a point right here in front of you! Don’t be all incensed that I had a strong feeling, if you please, I really didn’t mean it… except for the part I did! Unless it made you mad. <<sadface.>>

And that’s how I have been feeling lately. Mad at myself for making nice, when I don’t even really know if it’s necessary. I mean, most times I am conversing, I am dealing with adults who I esteem on some level or I wouldn’t be bothering to deal with them. And so I owe them the respect of offering them an authentic conversation with the actual me, and the actual opinions that I hold, not a watered-down version that I have judged will be acceptable to their palate. And yes, some people will get all mad that I use the strong, direct words at them—but that’s more their problem than mine.

So, in the way of how things go on the Internetz, I recently read this post over at Fugitivus, and it really spoke to that.

If you are unable to critically examine my statements and arguments because I use swears, that’s a problem with your ability to listen, not my ability to speak. If you can’t listen to an argument unless I smooth back your hair, whisper delicately in your ear, and assure you that really I am not very angry and here I will hold your hand and sing gently while I say such difficult things, you’re not actually looking to listen to anybody. You’re looking to have your ego stroked, you’re looking to be fawned over, and you’re looking to control the conversation. Not in my space. Assholes get called assholes here, and if that’s too rough and tumble, then admit that you can’t rough and tumble.

So my personal project for the next little while is to break myself of the habit of following up my own valid points with “…is all I am saying.” and other conciliatory/calming modifiers. Which doesn’t mean I can’t make my points politely. It just means that I don’t have to build into my points an apology for having made a point in the first place. So if you’re interacting with me and I do that shit, you are free to punch me in the head. Or just point it out.

How about a nice cool glass of…

I’ve really been needing to read other women talking about the experience of being women, lately. I have been hungry for it, needed to immerse myself in it. I feel like, in the course of the last year or so, I have been trying very hard to do some things that were important to me, and in doing those things (which were important! and worked out well!) I also sort of lost touch of the righteous core of who I am. That kind of angry, fuck-you-motherfucker, don’t try to tell me shit hostility that makes you strong and keeps you grounded and sane.

Only thing is, it’s not always conducive to making or keeping friends, and it’s a lot to explain, and it’s tiresome to be always explaining it. So that part of me has been set aside for awhile, and there have been a million comments I have not addressed and a million topics I have not broached, because, you know, let’s all get along and stuff. And that’s still important, I am not giving up getting along. I am just saying I have been starving to soak my skin in the experience of other women who walk around as angry and aware as I am. And that’s easier to do online, to find the smart, angry ladies who are posting about how fucked up a bunch of shit is. If you’re always talking in person about how fucked up shit is, you become that girl and then your voice is never heard, you’re too easy to discount. So you have to temper it so nobody thinks you’re angry all the time and so I swallow my outraged voice, as ladies often do.

But anyway, this week I wanted angry and funny and righteous, and holy shit did I find it in this post. This is the story of a guy who wrote a prominent feminist blogger a nice long post mansplaining how she in particular and feminists in general are doing it wrong. Seriously. And THEN, and THEN he started supposing whether or not he’d enjoy a date with the writer of the post or another woman associated with the site (you know, as they’d probably be busy doing it wrong on the date too.) Her reply to that notion gave me my first startled bark of laughter:

There are a few answers to this question, Freddie. The first is that I am never, ever, EVER going to fuck you, and Amanda has had a boyfriend for approximately forever as I understand it, and I have a boyfriend TOO but would STILL avoid fucking you were that not the case, so you REALLY don’t need to worry about how this theoretical feminist date of ours might go. It would always end with you not getting fucked, is the answer.

The nerve of that guy. And then she continues to righteously take him to task for claiming to be a feminist and yet basically denying these women the right to express themselves as they see fit, and explaining how he, a man, would do it better and differently. Her reply to that made my jaw drop and then made me just sit and guffaw. Right the fuck ON, lady.

SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.

I mean it. SHUT THE FUCK UP, Freddie. Shut the fuck up and let the big girls talk. Because we know way more about this than you. And every time you want to pitch in with an observation? Shut the fuck up a little bit harder. And maybe, after a few years or decades or whatever, you might have absorbed enough from listening to people with actual feminist insight (possibly related to their actually being women) to contribute productively to the conversation. But, in the meantime, actual feminists are going to get a lot more done, simply by virtue of not having to listen to the ungodly noise that comes out of your mouth. Truly, Freddie: You should shut the fuck up. Shutting the fuck up is, in fact, the biggest contribution you can make to the feminist cause.

And you know what? I fucking love me some angry, loud women. I need it, I need to see it. I need to read it and hear it around me and have it reinforced as a legitimate model for my own behavior.  I think we all need that. It doesn’t matter if you ARE angry or if you WANT to be angry – it’s important that expression of anger is an OPTION for us. One that does not make us seem crazy or hysterical or “unfeminine.” – whatever the fuck that means.

And so—rock on angry, loudmouth ladies, you make me feel stronger and I thank you for that.

On Being a Girl

My friend James Blackwood posted this video a few months back, and exhorted us to go and watch it. I did not want to, because my attention span is fried and it looked loooooong. But I trust my friend James Blackwood, and he told me it would be good for me, and so I watched it. And it was good for me. It made me feel good. I have thought of it ever since, so in a way it changed me. That makes me happy. Recently I had some experiences that made me think about it even more, and I realized I’d never shared it here or talked about it here, and I wanted to do that.

It is a video of a TED talk that Eve Ensler gave. And it’s about girls. Girls and their power, and their wisdom and their connection to things. And it’s about how “girly” is the ultimate insult – and why that is. Why everyone is so afraid to be likened to these creatures. It is a wonderful, perceptive thing she talks about. At the end (16:15 on the video, for those who have not the patience to watch the whole thing, but I think you should. If you do not trust me, trust James Blackwood.) she reads a poem about being a girl, and it’s wonderful. I will paste the text below the video. I hope it is impactful for you like it was for me.

I AM AN EMOTIONAL CREATURE

I love being a girl.
I can feel what you’re feeling
as you’re feeling it inside
the feeling
before.
I am an emotional creature.
Things do not come to me
as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.
They pulse through my organs and legs
and burn up my ears.
I know when your girlfriend’s really pissed off
even though she appears to give you what
you want.
I know when a storm is coming.
I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.
I can tell you he won’t call back.
It’s a vibe I share.

I am an emotional creature.
I love that I do not take things lightly.
Everything is intense to me.
The way I walk in the street.
The way my mother wakes me up.
The way I hear bad news.
The way it’s unbearable when I lose.

I love that I can feel the inside
of the feelings in you,
even if it stops my life
even if it hurts too much
or takes me off track
even if it breaks my heart.
It makes me responsible.
I am an emotional
I am an emotional, devotional,
incandotional, creature.
And I love, hear me,
love love love
being a girl.

Gender Subversion

A recent Tweet-stream with the talented Ms. Amy van Donsel reminded me of this piece, which I don’t know if I ever actually posted here. It hangs on the wall of my office, and it sums up how I think about gender pretty well. It’s apparently adapted from a poem byNancy R. Smith. and you can download it here if you’d like your own copy.

I do get sick and tired not just of regular sexual stereotyping and expectations (be pretty! be feminine! be nice!) but now the added expectation that we will somehow also be strong and assertive and generally kick-ass, but not assertive about things that inconvenience or upset other people. It’s like we’re supposed to stand up for ourselves (and are blamed for NOT doing so) with everyone who is not the person standing right in front of us at that time. And there’s also a layer of “Let us know how you feel.” which gets all smeared with “But wait, that’s not how we expected you to feel. Don’t feel that way, you hysterical lady-person!”

It’s a very complex thing, being a girl in the world. And I am sure it’s a very complex thing being a boy in the world, too. I wish we could all just be individuals in the world.

I feel like they left something out. What could it be? Thinkthinkthink…

INDIANAPOLIS – Indiana University researchers say half of all urban teenage girls may get one or more sexually transmitted infections within two years of becoming sexually active.

The researchers at the IU School of Medicine and Regenstrief Institute say their findings point to the need to screen sexually active teenage girls sooner for infections.

via Study: Sexually active girls at risk of infection – Yahoo! News.

It’s great that they’re studying rates of sexual infection among teens. But is it not glaringly obvious that screening only girls is addressing only half the problem? These girls are being sexually active with someone, and many of those someone’s are bound to be male – so why not address that?

I don’t know if this is a problem with the design of the study, that they excluded teen boys, or a problem with the reporter who did not investigate to see if there was a similar research program being carried out for males, and if not, why not. It seems worthy of a question or a quote or something.

I miss journalism, I really do.

Gang Rape of 15-year-old girl while her schoolmates take pictures

You know this shit is on YouTube. To kids of this age, this is just replicating what they see online, in movies, what they think girls want or deserve or are asking for. I think our culture sucks.

Authorities said people took photos,laughed and some joined in as the girl was repeatedly assaulted. The victim, a student, remained hospitalized Monday with injuries that were not life-threatening.”She was raped, beaten, robbed and dehumanized by several suspects who were obviously OK enough with it to behave that way in each other’s presence,” said Lt. Mark Gagan, a patrol supervisor in the city’s Northern Policing District. “What makes it even more disturbing is the presence of others. People came by, saw what was happening, and failed to report it.”

via Police arrest second teen in connection with vicious assault on 15-year-old girl – San Jose Mercury News.

Rape prevention tip that works: When you see a 15 year-old girl lying comatose on a park bench – don’t rape her! Even if your friends are! Instead, you could perhaps offer her some assistance, or tell your rapist friends that they are not behaving appropriately. Something like that.

and more from CNN

Investigators said as many as 15 people, all males, stood around watching the assault, but did not call police or help the victim, a 15-year-old student at Richmond High School in suburban San Francisco.

“As people announced over time that this was going on, more people came to see, and some actually participated,” Gagan said.

Authorities had interviewed the victim, and the search for other attackers and bystanders who watched and did not report the rape was in “full-court press,” according to Gagan.

“We have checked Facebook and YouTube to try to find any revealing evidence,” he said. “We’re looking in particular to see if anyone posted any video of the incident.”

Several other individuals were detained at the scene but not arrested, Simon said.

The attack occurred on school grounds as the annual homecoming dance was under way inside the school Saturday night, authorities said.

…

“This just gets worse and worse the more you dig into it,” [Police Lt.] Gagan said. “It was like a horror movie after looking at the evidence. I can’t believe not one person felt compelled to help her.”

Rape is a pre-existing condition?

Here’s your daily dose of gigantic incredulous WTF? (Emphasis added by me.) Apparently, according to Blue Cross, once you’ve been raped you get kind of used to it? So next time it’s really not a big deal. After that your vagina is pretty much open for anyone’s business, and the aftermath of people forcefully inserting their body parts into you requires neither medical attention nor mental health assistance.

Rape Victim’s Choice: Risk AIDS or Health Insurance?

A 38-year-old woman in Ithaca, N.Y., said she was raped last year and then penalized by insurers because in giving her medical history she mentioned an assault she suffered in college 17 years earlier. The woman, Kimberly Fallon, told a nurse about the previous attack and months later, her doctor’s office sent her a bill for treatment. She said she was informed by a nurse and, later, the hospital’s billing department that her health insurance company, Blue Cross Blue Shield, not only had declined payment for the rape exam, but also would not pay for therapy or medication for trauma because she “had been raped before.”

via Rape Victim’s Choice: Risk AIDS or Health Insurance?.

Kush Support | A Natural Rest for the Breast

Kush Support | A Natural Rest for the Breast

My lord, had I only known this was an option! Thank the Lord for Kush Support. And no adhesives or garments needed, which is just plain sexy.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

As an antidote to the condescending and “blame the victim” mentality of most rape-prevention advice (Don’t live freely/have fun/show independence/wear attractive clothing/have a social life, lest someone rape you for it!)  This website offers some rape-prevention tips aimed at the actual people who need them.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

read the full list at:  No, not you • Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!.

Daily FAIL

Shitty UK tabloid The Daily Mail evidently thinks that there’s some way to be “gently” gang-raped.

A New Zealand backpacker vainly begged for mercy as she was ‘violently’ gang-raped near Buckingham Palace, a court heard today.

via Backpacker ‘begged for mercy as she was gang-raped in park next to Buckingham Palace’ | Mail Online.

I guess this explains why I keep licking my lady friends

Female rats, like women, need each other to relieve stress

Through the course of evolution, female animals seem to have developed a strategy to cope with this: social support. Women mammals lick each other or lie against each other in times of stress. Ter Horst and his team discovered that female rats recover from stress better when they are surrounded by those of the same sex. This form of social support did not seem to have much of an effect on the brain of male rats. A mixed group added to the stress level.

The researchers worked with single sex groups only and the impact on females was striking. The social support stimulated the production of the neurotransmitter serotonin. That substance mutes the effects of stress the same way anti-depressants do. When the female rats are isolated, their serotonin system is not activated. “When you expose a rat to stress and then bring it back to its group, the others in the cage start taking care of the suffering animal. They will lick each other or lie against each other in times of stress, the males as well,” says Ter Horst.

Ter Horst doesn’t like translating his results to human situations, but here he makes an exception. “When women go through something stressful, they want to talk about it, again and again. That relieves their stress. Men don’t have that desire so much.”

via nrc.nl – International – Features – Female rats, like women, need each other to relieve stress.

You Get Grants for That Shit?

Weirdest line from this whole article:

Last year scientists dispelled the old myth that horizontal lines make women appear fatter. And Kelly’s outfit, featuring black and white stripes, seemed to hold true with the new theory.

via Kelly Osbourne gets it right in flattering stripes at a celebration of hot Hollywood style | Mail Online.

Seriously? Scientists dispelled a myth about horizontal lines and women’s fatness? I don’t know if I believe that, or if I want to.