Why spelling matters

Bad speller, or anti-Semite?

im really new at this, be gentile!

Protected: Holy crap, people

Truly an awesome online profile

Headline: do u excist?
Body of message:

looking for someone I can trust and possible long term (no BBWs) see my body type? (slender) so not attracted to anyone larger than myself, thank you ,someone under 5 foot 9 inches, under 130 pounds and I like long hair I must be attracted also, thank you…

I am not even going to comment. These (literal and figurative) morons with looks-laundry-lists, who think that non-trustworthy people actually self-identify as such (and even if they did it’s unlikely they would have a problem saying they WERE trustworthy when they’re not because, hey, by definition they’re not trustworthy.) I wonder if they ever find similarly moronic women to interact with?

There was another guy whose profile I saw today who had this to say about his dream girl:

My goal is to find someone classy. This woman will know how to dress decently and can look nice in the most casual of things.

She will have goals in life, even if they are cartoonish and or a planned out strategy. Hopefully her goals won’t be something as typical as becoming a music artist or a poet. If so, please don’t reply.

Perhaps her goals could be something as atypical as guiding and supporting you through a remedial grammar course?

In reading this guy’s whole profile I see that he has identified 17 individual “must-have” qualities in a potential mate, and 4 “extra” qualities. This is precious.

Must-haves

1. Educated
2. Classy
3. No Slang
4. Looks nice in casual clothes
5. not petty (*snerk*)
6. Has goals (can be cartoonish!)
7. Goals are not to be a poet/musician
8. Can’t have ex-boyfriends who still call
9. Understands trust is earned
10. single
11. Understand his need for space
12. have own hobbies
13. Not a mother or a judge (to him, not vocationally I assume)
14. Knows when she is wrong and can “suck it up” (I assume he’s not smart enough for that to be an entendre)
15. Nice
16. Smart
17. Attractive

Extras

1. A woman that has a passion for all types of movies
2. a woman that knows what a MMO is and maybe plays one
3. Sexually open minded and open to lots of things
4. a woman with a nice butt and/or chest

I have to say, the world of online dating never fails to amaze and astonish me. I mean, you know why these people are still available and looking online. (OK that’s an equal indictment of me, I realize) This whole laundry-list aspect of looking for a mate is so bizarre. Is there really a woman out there who reads this and thinks “Oh, hot DAMN, I do look good in casual clothes!”?

This guy is basically saying that he wants a smart, mature, attractive, goal-oriented, educated woman who is into all his hobbies but will leave him alone when he wants it, is reasonable in her approach to relationship conflict, will support him while he finishes his education, doesn’t care that he’s broke-ass, will help him raise his kid, won’t ever form a negative opinion of him (I love how he says he wants someone non-judgmental!) will be into the same kinky shit he is and will have minimal past relationships/history.

Yeah. OK. Let me know how that goes. Because you may be looking for that woman – heck, that woman may even exist. But I can guarantee that woman is not looking for you.

Oh FFS

OK look… seriously.

I….

No, really.

Seriously.

For REAL now.

…oh fuckit.

Just read this shit that someone felt the need to message me.

Continue reading »

The Cut-and-Paste Personality

The Cut-and-Paste Personality – WSJ.com

Lacking inspiration and a moral compass, some online daters are borrowing other people’s witty Web profiles. – by JENNIFER SARANOW
February 15, 2008

These identity thieves don’t want your money. They want your quirky sense of humor and your cool taste in music.

Among the 125 million people in the U.S. who visit online dating and social-networking sites are a growing number of dullards who steal personal profiles, life philosophies, even signature poems. “Dude u like copied my whole myspace,” posts one aggrieved victim.

…Original souls who discover they have been replicated say it’s unethical and creepy. “I came across a guy who completely STOLE my profile message,” posts one woman in Michigan. “I mean he had to have copied and pasted the whole thing and then just changed gender specific things to fit his own!!”

OK that’s creepy and effed up. Luckily the people I tend to go for have profiles that are too damn weird to possibly apply to more than one person. As is, hopefully, my own.

That made me think what self-descriptor of mine people might be likely to borrow. Searching for my favorite (churlish misanthrope) on Google (I am results # 5,7 and 8 for that phrase, BTW) led me to this lovely quote

“Even the churlish misanthrope, who avoids intercourse with men in general, must have someone whom he can tell how he hates mankind.”

Indeed.

And I won’t even make an “intercourse with men joke” because I am so dignified. *ahem*

Protected: Bluebeard

Protected: ¡Átame!

As Valentine’s Day Approaches…

a reminder that someecards.com is pretty much the only thing you should waste your money on.

someecards.com | ecards for when you care enough to hit send

The Dresden Dolls ‘Coin-Operated Boy’ music video

Gah, for some reason I can’t ever edit a post with a video without the formatting going to weirdness, not even to add a tag or a title. Feckit. So here’s the link instead of the embedded version.

I love this song. I just love it harder every time I listen to it. I am somewhat surprised that the video portrays her as so angry and hostile, I had her a little more carefree in my head. But I get it.

message of the day!

HI THERE IM A SINGLE GUY.LOOKING FORSOMEONE TO PLAY WITH.WILL YOU BE MY PLAYMATE.IDONT KNOW IF YOUR INTO BLACK GUYS.IM COLOR BLIND I WOULD LIKE TO PLAY WITH YOU IF YOU LIKE.GUARANTEED YOU WANT BE DISAPPOINTED. I WILL MAKE WORTH YOUR WHILE.

With that kind of come-on, he is probably already taken for the night. *sigh*

Guaranteed I ‘want’ be disappointed, even.

Protected: Message from the Cosmos, Update

Protected: Messages from the Cosmos

Blessed

Men who attempt to lure women, online, via the use of shots of their penises are… baffling to me. I don’t know if they really know what women are, or how they work. Well, most women, anyway.

Here are some Virgin Mary mosaics I’ve made from the cock shots uploaded onto adult dating sites. The first one is my favorite, so I’ve linked to a bit larger of an image, too. Please enjoy!

Fucking Creepy-Weird

Some guy just messaged me at OKC with this piece of brilliance:

I think you have real sexy face! Can I pet your chiuaha :)

Only, I don’t mention my dogs anywhere in my profile or journal there. ( I mean, I assume he means to say “chihuahua” there) Is that just the new slang the kids are using, and it’s a coincidence? Or someone I know, fucking with me?

Just think, if I was not still on vacation I wouldn’t have time to ponder something so stupid and inconsequential!

I’ve determined…

…that I write much more here when I am way too busy to be writing here. When I have scads of The Free Time™ I not only fritter it away, I don’t even blog it.

Meh. No big loss really, but interesting to note.

Convo with my Mom today:

She: I was trying to send him this picture but it was too big to attach!

Me: You need to shrink it down.

She: I know! So I thought “I will take a picture of the picture, and send that!”

Me:  …

She: (frustrated) But it was still too big.

Me: You need to open it in Picasa and…

She: (interrupting) Yes, but it’s already IN Picasa! So I have to take another picture. I hope this one’s not too big.

Me: I have a headache. I have to go.

Oh nice, I just had an awesome convo on OKC with the Welsh Haiku guy.  Primarily I chatted with him only to send Jeni the resultant chat log and make her laugh. But here’s an excerpt for you, because I am generous like that.

[22:30] WHG: wle im not here
[22:30] WHG: to just chat
[22:30] sbg: What is it that you’re here to do, then?
[22:30] WHG: to find the seirou slifeimt elove connetion
[22:30] WHG: simply oput
[22:30] WHG: but
[22:31] WHG: if i can tget that iat LEAST wan tlOTS of hot sweaty sex
[22:31] WHG: love IS th eultimate goal
[22:31] WHG: but sex IS th eIMMDEAIDATE goal
[22:31] WHG: i don thave to an dwont wai tfor love to have sex
[22:31] WHG: but i prefer love WITH my sex
[22:31] sbg: So, you want someone who’s ready for some hot loving, right now, but only with you?
[22:31] WHG: but i don twaint in line
[22:31] WHG: or share
[22:31] WHG: ex fukcin zactly
[22:31] sbg: Good luck with that.
[22:32] WHG: k
[22:32] WHG: fuck off
[22:32] WHG: Cheers
[22:32] sbg: Bye!

This guy is awesome. I feel like I want to make 37 fake profiles and string him along with each and every one. That’s how awesome he is to talk to in his total megalomaniacal insanity.