Work event went well today. Good crowd. good weather, things went according to plan. We like when that happens. I’ve been dreading this work event for 2 months, and I am so glad it’s over. However I am totally, bone-dead exhausted right now.

I was sick yesterday, very faint and light-headed all afternoon. Which is funny, because in the morning I had just been thinking “Wow, I’ve only gotten about 6 hours of sleep per night this week, max, and I feel fine!” Guess that shite caught up with me. Came home and napped, then took my ass out for some recreation and fun times. Enjoyed it so much. Was accused later of looking like I wasn’t having a good time. Pondering wearing a shirt that says “I am having a better time than my face will comfortably express.” but then of course sometimes it wouldn’t be true. And a shirt with messages that change during the evening seems too much trouble entirely.

Longer post at some point about how my social wants and needs have 180-ed on me in the last year.

Anyway, MyTodd™ took off for Chicago this afternoon, but he’ll be back tomorrow. And my happy exhausted ass is headed to bed.

At home tonight, after a sleepy/lazy/industrious day, then a shopping trip then a jaunt over to Todd’s for Chinese food and backlogged Tivo. He watches shows that I only think are funny if I watch them with him. Like Reality Bites, which is just retarded and offensive, but when I watch it at his house is kinda funny. And Tim & Eric’s Awesome Show, Great Job! same thing. I brought magazines to read so as not to distract him from his mission of Tivo-clearing, and caught up on some 3D World.

My Mom kept asking me what I wanted for my birthday and I kept saying “nothing” because there’s honestly nothing (that I would ask my Mom to buy me) that I can think of that I need. If there’s anything I want that’s low-to-medium priced I buy it myself, and I am at the age where it’s no longer OK-feeling to ask my parents to buy expensive things for me. So she ended up taking my word for it and giving me cash. I decided to spend it, and went self-birthday shopping for me.

I went to the Galleria which has instituted a policy of no under-18’s alone after 3 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. That was in response to some violence at the mall involving youth, and it’s been in effect for several months. Maybe a year even? Anyway, whether in response to the ban or the good weather or the fact that people now think the mall is violent, it was dead there. And even though it was dead it felt run-down and dirty. Like a big, sloppy crowd had just cleared out five minutes before. Lots of closed stores with no “coming soon” signs on the boarded-up storefronts. Things like the Kenneth Cole store and the BreadCo closed down. Who ever heard of a BreadCo closing? I grabbed some coffee at Starbucks and it was grimy there, like no one had wiped the counters down all day. Gross.

I went first to Sephora to get a new bottle of Euphoria, and they were doing a decent business. Decent enough that no one asked me if I needed any help, even though I was in there for a good 10-15 minutes looking around with a bemused expression on my face. Deciding that they must not carry Calvin Klein fragrances anymore, and that I was damned if I was paying $22 for a tube of Stila lipgloss, I headed into the Apple store. (That shitbag place is always hopping. I swear that if I had to work in there I would kill myself and others within an hour.) Anyway, I wanted one of those iTrip things like I borrowed from Todd for my Savannah trip. But if you can imagine, no one asked me if I needed any help, and I couldn’t find it on my own. I found one that was similar, but the price tag was torn off, and there was no one to ask about the cost. It wasn’t the same model anyway and I wanted to get the same one because it had worked so well. So I fought my way back out through the crowd and left.

OK, 0 for 2. I am beginning to form a theory of inverse helpfulocity, in which shop workers only ask people who are clearly browsing if they need help, because people who look like they need help may want… help. And that’s work. It’s much easier to swan around bothering people who are just looking. This is based on my own personal experience of being bothered by many, many shop people when I want to be left alone, and never finding anyone to help me when I want to ask questions and buy something. I headed to Aveda to see if they’ve come to their senses and brought back Deep Penetrating Hair Revitalizer. (They have not. I hate them.) If you can bring yourself to feel astonishment one more time, no one asked if they could help me as I searched fruitlessly for anything that might be a decent replacement. (Seriously. I got home last night and my hair looked like it belonged on a deranged maiden-aunt who’d escaped from a period romance via the tropical rain forest.)

Not quite so much gray, but seriously it was huge and scary-frizzy.

They have some new moisture line and I have to commend myself for not just buying it, but testing the conditioner on one wrist and the masque on the other. A few hours later when I was at Todd’s and scratching at both welt-covered wrists I knew I had saved myself a trip back to return the stuff. Anyway, I bought some Anti-Humectant pomade, as if anything could fight my hair’s attraction to humidity or vice-versa.

After Aveda I went down to Macy’s, where a girl actually asked if she could help me! I asked her if they had any Euphoria gift sets, and she pointed out to the ones which were cleverly hidden right where I was standing. Genius strikes again, in the form of my enhanced powers of perception!

So here’s where it gets funny. She walks away and I peruse the prices and the gift sets on offer. Small bottle (1.7 oz) of perfume = $58. Large bottle (3.4 oz) = $75. So I am getting the larger one. You know, value. So I look at the gift sets and realize they aren’t really all that gift-setty. They’re a silver bag that you could reuse for storage with a silver fabric headband wrapped around it, which you could use if you take up being a ballerina. But the price for the bag that contains the 3.4 oz bottle of perfume is $70. I look at the bag which contains the small bottle, and it’s $50. So basically I can save anywhere from $5 to $8 by buying the same size perfume and taking a free bag and headband. Sweet. I go to purchase it and the girl who’s checking me out doesn’t scan the bag, which has a regular price and bar code on the bottom. She opens the bag, takes out the perfume box and scans that. Which rings up $75. I point out to her that the bag says that it’s $70 not $75, and she talks to the lady at the next register, defaming some not-present “she” who “switched out all these gifts yesterday” and “must have not changed the prices” (sic). She then turns to me and says “This has gone up since yesterday.” Expecting that to make sense to me, when I know darn well that the price of the perfume itself is fixed, and if anything the price of the set was incorrect, not magically raising and lowering like a deli special.

Now, if there had only been one set like that I might have gone along with her unlogic, because I don’t want to seem as if I am scamming the store. But there were 3-4 sets just like that, with various sizes being sold at lower than face value because they were in this price-transforming silver bag. So I just raised my eyebrows and looked at her. (Eyebrow-lifting is the first step you take in your transmogrification from regular person to Angry Customer Lady.) Her companion at the other register said “Just give it to her.” (Note: Thanks Macy’s! I love for you to mislabel your shite and then make me feel like a scam artist!) So anyway, that was a bargain. I guess. Todd thought the headband was cute, though he didn’t want it for himself as far as I could tell.

I tried to look at shoes, but their whole shoe department looked like a bomb went off, and even the displays of regular-priced shoes were fudged up. The whole wall that had Born written on it was stocked with nothing but Easy Spirit shoes, and no matter how farked my feet get I will not wear Easy Spirit shoes. I was vaguely embarrassed to be inadvertently looking at them. So I just left. Wow, looking back at my total experience, that whole mall was a real shithole tonight.

I don’t know. All of St. Louis seemed totally dead. There was no one on the roads, no one at Borders when I stopped in there, no one on the highway. I don’t know if people were holed up in their houses or all out of town for one last hurrah before school starts on Monday, but it was dead as a doornail.

And that concludes all of Susan’s Wild and Soapy Showertime Shopping Adventures for this Saturday!

Oh, and one more side note regarding the bar on Friday night: Just because I am at the bar with my friends at/after last call doesn’t mean I am looking to be picked up by your drunken skank ass. I happen to like to stay out late when I choose to go out, and closing down the bar doesn’t mean I care to be treated as if I am easy-pickings, or the last-resort chick. I am planning to go home to bed, alone, and your drunken last-minute ramblings when you realize you’re inadvertently planning the same are not impressive. That’s all.

she says
any two points can make a line
but i know i can never make you mine
i can never make you mine

Deb Talan - Two Points

Saw this game while I was out shopping with my Mom yesterday. She rolled her eyes when I was explaining why I was giggling and taking a picture of it. Oh well, at least I know Dim will understand. :-p

There are many reasons why Jeni is so awesome, but the most recent of these is that she got me a picture of this:

Which product never fails to make me do a marketing *boggle* at the insanity of the name. (but which I couldn’t get a picture of before it disappeared from my Target.)

Friends get each other pictures of things that make them snicker. That’s why you’re the best Jeni!

Sorry, but every time I read a headline about this:

Symbian Foundation

I momentarily get it confused with this:

(link NSFW) The Sybian

I don’t have anything to do with MySpace. It’s troubling to me on many levels. The main one being how f*cking annoying it is.

Unfortunately my employer does have something to do with MySpace, and I am in charge of maintaining that page. So I have to periodically log onto that atrocity and see all the crazy, blinky, loud, garish, hot-mess that it is. And then today I saw this scary-ass ad:

And I felt like I needed to make a public service announcement regarding it. So here it is:

Attention, Gentlemen. The female pictured in this ad will devour your penis, and then laugh wickedly at your discomfiture. You will not get it back when she is done.

That is all.

Hey, anytime you can tie Richard Dawkins and social/viral marketing together, you get full props from me. I am fascinated with both of those topics. This is an interesting point-out regarding our naively thinking that we adopt new ideas because they’re oh-so-awesome. (To use Bush’s new favorite “presidential” word.)

Mythbusting: Ideas Do Not Spread Because they are Good | Dan Zarrella

…that book, The Selfish Gene, posited (and largely put the argument to bed) that genes replicate for their own good, not the good of the host. Genes survive and thrive not based on how much value they bring to the creature they inhabit but based on how good they are at replicating, they’re selfish. There are plenty of genes who’s phenotypes produce negative results for their hosts, yet they continue to spread.

The same is true, and perhaps even more obviously, for memes. Auto-toxic memes are harmful to their host, and exo-toxic memes are dangerous to others. The list of virulently “adopted” bad ideas is endless, but here’s a small sample:

* Blood feuds
* Terrorism
* Suicide
* Drug abuse
* Antisemitism
* Pyramid schemes
* Cults

Read more at the link above.

that is all

Plastic Pundit: House of Dereon wants to turn your child into a baby slut!

Starbucks Earnings Sink 21%

“Fiscal 2008 is a transitional year for Starbucks and, while our financial results are clearly being impacted by reduced frequency to our U.S. stores, we believe that as we continue to execute on the initiatives generated by our transformation agenda, we will reinvigorate the Starbucks Experience for our customers,” Howard Schultz, who is chairman, president and chief executive, said in a statement.

Translation:

Ain’t nobody got no money for $6 cuppa coffee no mo’. Where da fuck my golden parachute at? I be bailing up outta dis motherfucker, quick-like.

Alternate theory: Could be that the recent resurgence of this old logo has scared their customers away. Nothing like a mermaid brandishing her splayed tails at you to turn you off your coffee/tea. I mean, ewwwww. I just can’t decide if they had laLohan or BSpears as their model for this crotch shot.

Three identical banners in the window of a title-loan company. They read:

0%

Interest

Free

Which, to me, with no other punctuation, means “100% Interest”.

Considering that it’s a title loan place that might actually be what they mean, I don’t know.

NSA_2

Originally uploaded by Billboard Liberation Front

Too bad that the remaining Americans who don’t already know about AT&T’s domestic spying probably have no idea what the NSA is, or does.

From the Billboard Liberation Front’s Press Release:

AT&T initially downplayed its heroic efforts in the War on Terror, preferring to serve in silence behind the scenes. “But then we realized we had a PR win on our hands,” noted AT&T V.P. of Homeland Security James Croppy. “Not only were we helping NSA cut through the cumbersome red tape of the FISA system, we were also helping our customers by handing over their e-mails and phone records to the government. Modern life is so hectic – who has time to cc the feds on every message? It’s a great example of how we anticipate our customers’ needs and act on them. And, it should be pointed out, we offered this service free of charge.”

Was driving back from lunch today and really needed my camera - I saw this on the back of the car in front of me:

The Real Estate “Lady”

Blue Cross halts letters amid furor - Los Angeles Times
Its request to doctors for data that could lead to policy rescissions was widely criticized.
By Lisa Girion and Jordan Rau, Los Angeles Times Staff Writers
February 13, 2008

Facing a torrent of criticism Tuesday, Blue Cross of California abruptly halted its practice of asking physicians in a letter to look for medical conditions that could be used to cancel patients’ insurance coverage.In a statement issued about 6 p.m., the state’s largest for-profit insurer said, “Today we reached out to our provider partners and California regulators and determined this letter is no longer necessary and, in fact, was creating a misimpression and causing some members and providers undue concern. As a result, we are discontinuing the dissemination of this letter going forward.”

The announcement came after blistering rebukes Tuesday by physicians, patients, privacy experts and officials including Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) after The Times disclosed the practice.

The letter had been sharply criticized Monday by the California Medical Assn., and Tuesday night its president, Richard Frankenstein, said: “This letter was part of Blue Cross’ pattern of unfairly canceling policies when people need coverage most. We’re relieved that Blue Cross is ending this particular tactic but continue to have serious concerns about this company’s practices looking forward.”

It’s good they’re doing this, though they’re still totally evil and this is only a bow to public pressure - I am sure the tactics behind the scenes will stay just as bad or even get worse than they are now. However, I really have to take issue with the crap language they are using, and they’re joined in it by the California Medical Association, who I would like to consider as the good guys — just not linguistically.

I am referring, of course, to the use of “going forward” in their letter, and to a lesser degree “looking forward” in the CMA’s letter. The Dimwit’s Dictionary describes “going forward” as a torpid term - A “vapid phrase used in the place of a vital one.” In every instance that “going forward” is used to describe future actions, it can be deleted without impact to the sentence. Observe:

“As a result, we are discontinuing the dissemination of this letter going forward.”

“As a result, we are discontinuing the dissemination of this letter.”

Exactly the same meaning. After all, we’d hardly expect them (at this stage in humanity’s technological development anyway) to “discontinue the dissemination of this letter” going backward.

Same thing here:

“…continue to have serious concerns about this company’s practices looking forward.”

“…continue to have serious concerns about this company’s practices.”

Daring Fireball: Translation From PR-Speak to English of Selected Portions of Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang’s Company-Wide Memo Regarding the Microsoft Takeover Bid

Periodically as I drive around town I see some random sights which make me stop and ponder. Either they’re silly, or they’re sad, or they’re just odd. Here are a few that have made me ponder, lately.

This broken-down receptacle is a blight on the street, while advertising “Operation Brightside” - one of those urban-renewal “make our streets pretty” kind of failed programs.

Next up we have a house that makes me laugh. Because if you’ve seen regular row houses like we have here in the city, especially around this area, you will notice that this one looks like a ham-fisted giant came by and slammed it into the ground, obliterating its lower story.

And last, and my personal favorite. I have seen these clothes-donation  boxes springing up in various places around the city, and I admire them immensely. Here’s an organization whose whole business model is predicated on the fact that the people it is targeting either can’t or don’t read.

Who in their right mind wouldn’t rather give their old clothes and shoes to a charity organization, if they were paying attention?

And, you have to be fair, they say it on the side just as bold as brass “We gonna resell yo shit for dollas.” and you know that people do not read that. They do not pay attention. And I guess they deserve for some entrepreneurial soul to come and exploit that.