So, blah blah, broke my foot. Misery, woe and pain, gnashing of teeth and everything. We all know that story. And I had physical therapy and that helped a lot. But what I never talked about was that once I started physical therapy, something happened to my OTHER foot, which I thought was a result of too much strain on it from the first one being broken and the subsequent rehab.

See, I developed a condition called plantar fasciitis and boy, is that a fucking bitch. So for the last two months I have been having horrible, stabbing pains along the arch of my foot whenever I get up from either sitting too long, or first thing in the morning. That first thing in the morning pain… OMG that’s a “clinging desperately to the wall, grimacing like a crazy woman, cursing the Fates, limping across the room like a tired old whore” kind of pain. After you take 5-10 steps the muscle stops spasm-ing or whatever it’s doing, but it’s a crazy kind of pain.

At first I thought it would go away, if it was caused by over-use of foot 2 due to foot 1 being incapacitated, but then I realized it wasn’t and decided to do some reading up on it. And after reading scary stuff about foot surgery and permanent crippling pain, I read further and then it turns out I was creating the condition myself and by fixing what I was doing I think I’ve pretty much made it go away.

See the thing is this: my broken foot is still slightly swollen. I don’t know how long that takes to go away, or if it’s permanent because the bone healed slightly wider than before. All I know is that none of my shoes comfortably fit my left foot anymore. So back in early May I took myself to Marshall’s and bought a cute pair of black Bass flip-flops which DID fit, and I’d worn them pretty much everywhere since then. I am not usually a flip-flop person, but these were special circumstances and they’re really cute, for real. This was around the time I was in PT I was having a lot of pain in my broken foot. My therapist suggested a shoe that wasn’t tight around my broken foot, and these fit that bill. This was exactly when the pain in foot 2 started, so I didn’t relate the new shoes to the pain necessarily. But then I read that article that I linked to above, and when it called plantar fasciitis the “flip-flop disease” I suddenly realized the error of my ways. I switched back to my trusty Børn sandals. And even though squishing my broken foot back into them was not at all pleasant, I sucked it up and waited to see what would happen. It’s about a week later and I am extremely pleased to report that (knock wood) my pain in that foot seems to be almost completely gone. In fact I got up from reading on the couch just now and it didn’t hurt at all! Which inspired this post. Because it’s rare that I have tidbits I really think need sharing with the masses, but if you’ve somehow stumbled upon this page because you’re Googling info about pain in your heel or the arch of your foot, foot pain when you wake up in the morning, stabbing pain in your feet, whatever - stop wearing any kind of flip-flop shoes! Wear something supportive, with a slight heel. It will NOT take long to get better if you stop wearing the shoes that aggravate the condition. Seriously.

OK that’s it for this public service announcement and that’s all you will have to hear about my feet. For today.

Now to sort out the tendinitis in my left wrist…

Warning—unfocused, rambling whine-fest ahead. If you’re not in the mood for that, please skip. If you’re up for it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Today was my last physical therapy session. In my evaluation I said that I felt I was about 85% better, and the rest of the improving I have to do I can do with my exercises at home. I can now balance on my bad leg for 30 seconds though! When I started I couldn’t even do one second on that leg. It was really busy at the PT place, my 4:30 slot was a pretty popular one for people getting off from work, I suppose. There really are some characters at that place, for real. Made for excellent people-watching.

Oh, and (accidental I think) weirdness. When my therapist was doing my post-therapy evaluation we were chatting about how busy it is there, and how strange some of the goings-on are. Then he was saying that he thought I would do fine with my at home exercises. “But,” he said “Call me if you have any questions. Even if it’s not about your foot, feel free to go ahead and call me.” Which - I kinda blinked at. Like, what sort of questions? I have a lot about the ways of the world. And why people are the way they are, and why bad things keep happening to me, and all sorts of other kinds of queries, none of which I had thought to address to him. And then it made it kinda seem like he was hitting on me. Which I will presume he was not, but go ahead and totally take because I needed the Friday afternoon ego boost.

Fuck I had a shitbag week at work. It just keeps getting more and more insane there. And I can’t find another job that I want at a place that it wouldn’t kill me to work. I can’t work for a chemical company, or a rifle manufacturer, for god’s sake. Nor do I want to work for a stockbroker or an architecture firm. I guess I just love working in education. It’s just that my kind of position at an educational institution is hard to come by. I have several resumes out, so we will see. For now I am just hanging in there. The good news is that as my hormone levels are (presumably) straightening out, I am much more calm. That’s really good. I like being calm. So it takes more to get me wound up. But by the end of the week I tend to be somewhat wound up. And I wanted to go out tonight and realized that MyTodd™ is in Vegas for a wedding (asshole) and I don’t really like to go out without him, as I have mentioned before. Maybe I will go out tomorrow. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I spend a hefty sum on new plants tonight including an emerald phlox that has foliage to die for. And that cheered me. Also I put my keys in the pocket with the hole in it (note to self: examine why so many of my pockets have holes in them. perhaps some mending is in order?) and then had a frantic “dig through purse 30 times in vain effort to find keys” moment and then found that some kind soul had turned them in. But then I got home and two of these foul little dogs had pooped in my office because I was so late. So all in all it’s a mixed bag kind of evening.

OK /end overshare-ramble-rant.

Ajuga reptans “Chocolate Chip”

Originally uploaded by superBadGirl

bleeding heart

Originally uploaded by superBadGirl

Lily of the valley

Originally uploaded by superBadGirl

I can’t believe the changes in the garden in just the last two weeks. Amazing. I hope it’s never winter again.

In other news, I finally got around to listening to The Weepies new album “Hideaway” and it’s just as amazing as I thought it would be. It’s so good it makes me cry and sneeze at the same time.

Every song, better and better. Just like their previous albums, the marriage of music and lyric is so perfect that it literally hurts my heart.

You can listen to some of it at their site, linked above.

“Orbiting” is my favorite so far. Partial lyric:

Guess I went somewhere to hide
Far behind my eyes
I willed you there to see
But you never came for me

Now I’m out of your range
Now it’s kind of strange
How we change orbit in our lives
You were kind of a moon
outside of my room
I could just feel you nearby

Now I feel you gone
‘Cause I know which side you’re on
And it’s not mine

In other other news, I just had my first pedicure since the infamous bone-breaking stair mishap of 2008. I like pedicures at the same time as they make me really nervous. I am not big on strangers doing personal grooming things to me, so the person has to be really good to make me relax and enjoy it. This person wasn’t like that. She just grinned a lot and was nice to me because she wanted a big tip. Fair enough.

Anyway, my feet feel wonderful and look pretty and tomorrow when I go to physical therapy and the guy “manipulates” my foot at an uncomfortable proximity to his crotch I will at least not be embarrassed of my calluses, I will just be embarrassed that my foot is going to accidentally rub something it doesn’t want to.

Actually since starting PT I have felt so much better, this weekend has been the best yet. I worked for about 3 hours in the garden today and I feel fine. I think it was just finding out what I could safely do, since I was petrified to even look at my foot lest I damage it. This guy has assured me I can’t rebreak my bone that easily and shown me all the things I need to do to loosen the muscles that are all cramped up. He’s also impugned my ability to teeter on one foot with my eyes closed and told me that if I had better balance then I would be less likely to fall in the first place. Again, fair enough. I am supposed to be practicing my balance. Shoot, gotta do that today.

OK that’s all.

(Obv’y sung to the tune of the song Sinatra made famous)

BOOT free
as free as the wind blows
as free as leg hair grows,
boot-free to follow your feet.

WALK free and hazard surrounds you
the fear still astounds you,
each time you step on the stairs.

WALK free where no velcro stops you
your gait’s like a cool pimp,
so there’s no need to limp.

BOOT free and life is worth living
but only worth living,
Cause you’re BOOT free!

Life lately is nothing but doctors, work, medical tests that sear away the last remaining shreds of my personal dignity, more doctors, excruciating pain, medications that make me really ill and rain. Which, surprisingly, isn’t really as bad as it sounds - at least in comparison to the winter I had.

Now it’s April, which I find hard to believe. February was the longest month evar, and then March blew by in a windy breeze. Now it’s April and I live for the hope that (a week from Friday) I might finally get my left leg back. Other than that, I think I may have finally gone completely dead inside. Which, while not a state to which I aspire, does leave me rather less upset than I have been lately wont to be.

Since that’s kind of depressing, here’s a picture of Jake which is very cute, think about that instead.

Friends do tell me it’s best to say little
The less you put out the less that’s gone
But sitting here lazing the smaller I feel
‘Cause I expand when I let on

Two more doctor’s visits today, to the hospital for more tests next week, oh joy.

Didn’t get boot off, but got smaller boot. That’s good. Probably/maybe get the boot off in three weeks.

Tired.

Edit to add boot photo. See how close my toe is to the edge of the boot? No more clown shoe = good thing.

.

In perusing my blog stats I found some kewl key phrases leading people to my blog.

This first one is a total WTPF:  “password protected underwear”

I don’t even have a word to say on that.

But I am also now starting to get hits for “Women in Leg Braces” which is awesome.

Welcome cast-fetishists! We knew you were out there somewhere!

• I would like to walk barefoot.
• Barring that, I would like to wear two shoes. One on each foot. A matching pair of shoes. Cute shoes.
• I would like to sit cross-legged.
• I would like to paint my toenails. Actually, I would like someone ELSE to paint my toenails. I would like a pedicure.
• I would like to walk up the stairs in a way that is somewhat less evocative of a drunken clown.
• I would like to ride my exercise bike.
• I would like to run around after Jake in the yard.
• I would like to kneel down and pull some weeds.
• I would like to sleep in any old position I want, no matter if my foot is at a 90-degree angle from my ankle.
• I would like to take my dogs for a walk.
• I would like to take myself for a walk.
• I would like to go to the doctor next Monday and have him tell me that I am the fastest-healing woman he’s ever known, and he’d like to write me up for a medical journal.
• I would like for the Feist concert in April to not be sold out.

That is all.

No, wait. I would also like you to watch this clip. I <3 Jeff Goldblum.

OK, so six weeks today was when I decided to hurl myself down the stairs for attention and sympathy. And I have to tell you, the attention and sympathy are lacking and the pain and inconvenience are more than I bargained for. So I will definitely think twice before I try that trick again.

SIX WEEKS. Damn. It seems like longer. I go back to the doctor a week from Monday to see how I am healing and if I get the robocop leg off or not. I don’t know if there’s an intermediary step between robocop leg and setting me free to walk on my own, so some kind of mini-robocop-leg may be in my future too.

In the meantime I have gained much skillz in:

• cast-condom donning
• monkeying my way up and down the stairs
• finding the cripple entrance to the building
• putting up with people’s asshole “Oh I had the same thing but twice as bad and for twice as long!” stories. (Thanks fuckwad, that makes my personal hell of pain and disability SO MUCH MORE BEARABLE.)

I have not become any better at:

• learning my limits
• taking it easy
• counting my blessings
• suffering fools
• kneeling down to do things when one leg don’t bend too good

It’s getting particularly annoying now that the weather’s perking up and I want to be out in my garden. Gardening is mostly kneeling-down, and it’s just not happening with this thing on. I have raked some stuff up and cleaned some leaves away from plants though. Also, I have a SHEDLOAD of bulbs coming up. I remember planting what seemed like 796,000 bulbs this fall, and it’s paying off now because I have little leaves poking through the bare soil in many many places! Excitement. Pictures tomorrow, mayhap.

Now I am off to a late dinner and midnight movie, and to remember what it was like to be a night person, before working for a school turned me into some awful hybrid non-night-and-also-non-morning person. I had a meeting this morning at 7:30 in the AM, people! There should be a law. Enforceable with affliction of boils.

Jake has developed this thing that I would have sworn was a neurological problem. But I looked it up and it’s actually a nervous tic that means he’s under-stimulated. Yeah, I need to walk him more, once my foot is healed. It will be better when the weather is improved too.

And no, I am not getting a 4th chihuahua so he has someone to play with, but I have been playing more with him myself. He’s curiously catlike when he lays around, no?

I’ve had a rather inauspicious start to the day here. Despite it being Friday, even. Firstly, I forgot until yesterday that I have to work on Sunday. 2 weekend days per year must the superBadGirl work, and this Sunday is onesuch. The worst part of working is the stupid outfit I have to wear. Honestly. You know how your outfit influences your mood? Well I have to stand around all day in khakis and a polo shirt, looking like a Busty McTitsalot’s dorky sister, and I don’t like it. Actually I will be sitting and giving presentations. But anyway. Also, Sunday is time change. And it’s just now getting bright enough in the mornings that I don’t want to stab myself rather than get out of bed. So time springs forward and we lose that for another month. Feck.

In addition to that I decided yesterday that I needed some arch-support socks for my broken foot. That was a very stupid idea. It’s amazing how much arch-support socks can hurt a broken foot. Just that subtle squeeze on the middle of my foot, but it’s shooting pains right up to my hip. Dumb me. So this may turn into a 2-painkiller day, and we’ve been having 1-painkiller days for weeks now. Also, I went to the cafeteria for breakfast, got two biscuits and some jelly and walked back to my office. For that I have to go outside. As I opened the door to the outside, one of my biscuits BLEW AWAY. I think that if one of your biscuits blows away down the alley, that’s like… cartoon-level inauspicious day start.

Anyway, at least it’s sunny here.

District Bulletin: Moth Month Dispatch

Our district’s great enemy, Croisquessein, has created a further eruption of tumult in the citizenry. The malactionate spectre has accelerated his actions of late, causing untold embarrassment and suffering. Days ago, he upturned a liquid in a glass upon a diner, making a bad spill and wet clothing. Yesterday, Croisquessein caused a man to drop his telephone in the toilethole.

You know, I think it’s possible that Croisquessein pitched me down the stairwell at my home, rudely snapping my tiny, tender footbones in twain, merely due to the fact that nine days previously I may have casually mentioned chaining Dr. David Thorpe to my radiator and forcing him to rub my feet with potent, medicinally-scented unguents. I think that’s an overwrought reaction, really.

Once this is over I am putting up a tent and living in the back yard for a month. Just to not be in the house.

Wait. No. I will get shot and killed. Fudge. Well, I will think of something to demarcate most strikingly the transition from “house-bound crippled chick” to “regular chick who goes places.” Sounds like there should be a roasted goat involved at some point.

So today is going to be more of the same that yesterday was, including pondering on my unwanted, unnecessary and yet still intensely painful reproductive cycle. Oh, and hoping that the carpet installers from next door are caught in a snowdrift somewhere and can’t get back here today to bang on my walls for 8 hours straight while they blast EZ listening music.