So tomorrow I have to go back to work, and that means I have to leave Jake here. He’s been fine all weekend, acting like he feels well, no bleeding, vomiting, petechia, nothing to give me any cause for immediate concern. But I can’t get over the feeling that as soon as he’s out of my sight something’s going to to wrong. I am nauseated at the thought of leaving him for 8 hours.

I wish that the vet(s) could have given me a prognosis that was more reassuring, or at least gave me something more concrete for my mind to chew on. Like: If “x” he will be fine, if “y” there is a problem. Right now it’s more like: if “x, y or q” there’s a problem. If none of those, there may still be a problem.

So tomorrow I am going to have to go sit at a stupid place and deal with fuckwitted morons, addressing problems of no consequence to people who will never understand WTF is going on around them, all in service to a useless cause, when all I want to do is stay home with my little guy. Life sucks like that. We have to spend all our time doing shit we hate, in order to afford the one or two things in the world we care about. Because that stupid ass job is what gave me the cash I needed to treat Jake. It pays for our house and his food. But it also sucks away part of my soul every single time I have to go to it.

Someday I have a dream of being able to afford truly employer-independent health care, and being able to survive on the income I could get from freelance work. Maybe.

So tomorrow I am going in early in case I need to leave early to run Jake to the vet for blood work. If I do, that means I will be expecting results on Tuesday. I am also seeing my new endocrinologist on Tuesday. Tuesday’s also when a little national election is happening too. You may have heard a little about that.

All in all, I think I am going to be looking forward to Wednesday when - even if it’s not the news I want - I will have some news, and get out of horrible anxiety filled waiting/limbo land.

/Sunday Rantings. Have a good week everyone.

Five mistakes that will land you in medical debt - CNN.com
It took the Trim family of Arlington, Texas, three hours to go $15,000 into debt. One evening last spring, Alex Trim was knocked unconscious when a car hit his bike and he slammed into the windshield. Three hours, many stitches and seven CT scans later, Alex was discharged in pretty good shape.

About a month later, the bill arrived in the mail. “I didn’t have a clue you could go into $15,000 debt in one night,” said Alex’s father, Callvin Trim. “When I saw that bill, I was just kind of numb.”

…

A report out last month from the Commonwealth Fund found that 28 percent of the population said they were paying off medical debt in 2007, up from 21 percent in 2005.

“Two-thirds of the people who go into medical debt have insurance,” said Mark Rukavina, executive director of the Access Project. “When medical debt hits, it hits very quickly. It’s a jolt, and it’s generally not very predictable.”

“These are all honest, hardworking people,” added Jessie Maurer, a medical billing advocate in West Des Moines, Iowa, who helped the Trims. “This could happen to just about anybody.”

Talk about a wasted, do-nothing day. I got up this morning and was headed out the door to work when a violent wave of not-feeling-well hit me. I thought it might be just a Monday thing, but I gave it a few minutes and it was definitely not in my head. So I e-mailed in sick. I didn’t want to just go to bed though, sometimes that makes me feel worse. So I sat down on the couch and put in the Two Towers Special Extended Platinum Director’s Cut Deleted Scenes Extra Stuff Box of White Rice and the Kitchen Sink version. And I watched it all. And then I had some lunch, and let the dogs out, and re-potted a plant. And then I came in and put in Return of the King Special Extended Platinum Director’s Cut Deleted Scenes Extra Stuff Box of White Rice and the Kitchen Sink version. And I watched all that too. And now I have that horrible, logey feeling you get when you do nothing but watch movies for 6 hours straight.

In the meantime I called my doctor, my internist. My gyno wants me to have a procedure done that I think is unnecessary. In fact, I think she’s a procedure-happy hot mess, actually. I think part of the reason she wants to do this procedure on me is so that she doesn’t have to prescribe me pain meds, if you can believe that. She actually said “Well, I’ve never operated on you, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable prescribing any pain medications.” What the fuck? So I should let her operate on me, causing fresh pain, to get medicine in order to releive the pain I already have? When she doesn’t even know what’s causing that?

So I called my internist to see if any of my other conditions might be affecting me in the way I am experiencing, and she basically said exactly the same thing as my gyno, except she also said a couple other stupid things that led me to understand that she has absolutely no concept of what’s going on with my health, and has a fundamental misunderstanding about a few things that are important to me, medically. So she just wants me to go have an invasive medical procedure too, just to “rule some things out.” Well, excuse me if I am not jumping aboard the medical procedures to rule things out train, since I remember very clearly what happened to me last time she wanted to rule things out.If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last year, it’s that I know damn good and well when something’s not right with me. And I am not going to go through an expensive, exploratory, invasive medical procedure just because my doctors won’t listen and won’t prescribe me pain meds.

This is combined with the fact that I just found out that my endocrinologist has left his practice, and now I have a new one. Who knows what she will be like. I am so out of faith with doctors, I am sick of all their bullshit pandering and acting like I am retarded when, if I hadn’t kept pushing them this year, they would have just kept telling me that my issues were all in my head. Since my subsequent diagnoses, I really want to say “Hey fuckwits, I told you so!” to someone, but I don’t think that would improve my general standard of care at all.

Anyway, I feel logey, achy and gross, even though it’s lovely out. I think I am going to go lay down and read a book. I would try outside, but the mosquitoes are sure to be terrible, and that giant spider really freaked me out. I just keep thinking that if there was one like that, there have to be more. Ick. (It’s apparently a St. Andrew’s Cross Spider and has “low venom toxicity.” Whatever.)

Talk about a wasted, do-nothing day. I got up this morning and was headed out the door to work when a violent wave of not-feeling-well hit me. I thought it might be just a Monday thing, but I gave it a few minutes and it was definitely not in my head. So I e-mailed in sick. I didn’t want to just go to bed though, sometimes that makes me feel worse. So I sat down on the couch and put in the Two Towers Special Extended Platinum Director’s Cut Deleted Scenes Extra Stuff Box of White Rice and the Kitchen Sink version. And I watched it all. And then I had some lunch, and let the dogs out, and re-potted a plant. And then I came in and put in Return of the King Special Extended Platinum Director’s Cut Deleted Scenes Extra Stuff Box of White Rice and the Kitchen Sink version. And I watched all that too. And now I have that horrible, logey feeling you get when you do nothing but watch movies for 6 hours straight.

In the meantime I called my doctor, my internist. My gyno wants me to have a procedure done that I think is unnecessary. In fact, I think she’s a procedure-happy hot mess, actually. I think part of the reason she wants to do this procedure on me is so that she doesn’t have to prescribe me pain meds, if you can believe that. She actually said “Well, I’ve never operated on you, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable prescribing any pain medications.” What the fuck? So I should let her operate on me, causing fresh pain, to get medicine in order to releive the pain I already have? When she doesn’t even know what’s causing that?

So I called my internist to see if any of my other conditions might be affecting me in the way I am experiencing, and she basically said exactly the same thing as my gyno, except she also said a couple other stupid things that led me to understand that she has absolutely no concept of what’s going on with my health, and has a fundamental misunderstanding about a few things that are important to me, medically. So she just wants me to go have an invasive medical procedure too, just to “rule some things out.” Well, excuse me if I am not jumping aboard the medical procedures to rule things out train, since I remember very clearly what happened to me last time she wanted to rule things out.If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last year, it’s that I know damn good and well when something’s not right with me. And I am not going to go through an expensive, exploratory, invasive medical procedure just because my doctors won’t listen and won’t prescribe me pain meds.

This is combined with the fact that I just found out that my endocrinologist has left his practice, and now I have a new one. Who knows what she will be like. I am so out of faith with doctors, I am sick of all their bullshit pandering and acting like I am retarded when, if I hadn’t kept pushing them this year, they would have just kept telling me that my issues were all in my head. Since my subsequent diagnoses, I really want to say “Hey fuckwits, I told you so!” to someone, but I don’t think that would improve my general standard of care at all.

Anyway, I feel logey, achy and gross, even though it’s lovely out. I think I am going to go lay down and read a book. I would try outside, but the mosquitoes are sure to be terrible, and that giant spider really freaked me out. I just keep thinking that if there was one like that, there have to be more. Ick. (It’s apparently a St. Andrew’s Cross Spider and has “low venom toxicity.” Whatever.)

So, blah blah, broke my foot. Misery, woe and pain, gnashing of teeth and everything. We all know that story. And I had physical therapy and that helped a lot. But what I never talked about was that once I started physical therapy, something happened to my OTHER foot, which I thought was a result of too much strain on it from the first one being broken and the subsequent rehab.

See, I developed a condition called plantar fasciitis and boy, is that a fucking bitch. So for the last two months I have been having horrible, stabbing pains along the arch of my foot whenever I get up from either sitting too long, or first thing in the morning. That first thing in the morning pain… OMG that’s a “clinging desperately to the wall, grimacing like a crazy woman, cursing the Fates, limping across the room like a tired old whore” kind of pain. After you take 5-10 steps the muscle stops spasm-ing or whatever it’s doing, but it’s a crazy kind of pain.

At first I thought it would go away, if it was caused by over-use of foot 2 due to foot 1 being incapacitated, but then I realized it wasn’t and decided to do some reading up on it. And after reading scary stuff about foot surgery and permanent crippling pain, I read further and then it turns out I was creating the condition myself and by fixing what I was doing I think I’ve pretty much made it go away.

See the thing is this: my broken foot is still slightly swollen. I don’t know how long that takes to go away, or if it’s permanent because the bone healed slightly wider than before. All I know is that none of my shoes comfortably fit my left foot anymore. So back in early May I took myself to Marshall’s and bought a cute pair of black Bass flip-flops which DID fit, and I’d worn them pretty much everywhere since then. I am not usually a flip-flop person, but these were special circumstances and they’re really cute, for real. This was around the time I was in PT I was having a lot of pain in my broken foot. My therapist suggested a shoe that wasn’t tight around my broken foot, and these fit that bill. This was exactly when the pain in foot 2 started, so I didn’t relate the new shoes to the pain necessarily. But then I read that article that I linked to above, and when it called plantar fasciitis the “flip-flop disease” I suddenly realized the error of my ways. I switched back to my trusty Børn sandals. And even though squishing my broken foot back into them was not at all pleasant, I sucked it up and waited to see what would happen. It’s about a week later and I am extremely pleased to report that (knock wood) my pain in that foot seems to be almost completely gone. In fact I got up from reading on the couch just now and it didn’t hurt at all! Which inspired this post. Because it’s rare that I have tidbits I really think need sharing with the masses, but if you’ve somehow stumbled upon this page because you’re Googling info about pain in your heel or the arch of your foot, foot pain when you wake up in the morning, stabbing pain in your feet, whatever - stop wearing any kind of flip-flop shoes! Wear something supportive, with a slight heel. It will NOT take long to get better if you stop wearing the shoes that aggravate the condition. Seriously.

OK that’s it for this public service announcement and that’s all you will have to hear about my feet. For today.

Now to sort out the tendinitis in my left wrist…

Warning—unfocused, rambling whine-fest ahead. If you’re not in the mood for that, please skip. If you’re up for it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Continue reading »

Warning—unfocused, rambling whine-fest ahead. If you’re not in the mood for that, please skip. If you’re up for it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Continue reading »

There is the bitchiest, most thick-headed beeyatch who answers the phones at my endocrinologist’s office. She is consistently assholish and deliberately obtuse, today being no exception.

Issue #1 : I had a situation this spring in which I had gone for some diagnostic testing and no one told me beforehand that one of my medications is contra-indicated in combination with the medication they use in the test, since the combo can cause kidney failure. I understand how the error happened, since Dr. 1 prescribes me the medication and Dr. 2 sent me for the test at Facility 3. But it’s still annoying because I filled out all kinds of paperwork at Dr. 2’s office, informing him of my medications/dosages, so what’s the point of that if they’re going to send me for testing without reading it? Tiresome. Anyway, I got to the place for the testing and in BIG letters the paperwork there asks if I take this medication, and when I tell them I do they say that I can still do the testing, but have to stop the medication and not start it again until 48 hours later AND I have bloodwork to make sure my kidneys are still functioning. Nice. So anyway, after the test is over I call Dr. 1’s office and explain to them what happened, wanting to double-check about the instructions and have them add kidney function testing to the bloodwork requisition I already had for that week. Also, I had been painstakingly working my way up to a full dosage of this medication for weeks, and I was worried about stopping it for 48 hours, what that would do to me (most likely make me really ill.) The phone call proceeded as follows:

Me: I had <x> test done, and I take <z> medication, I understand that now I have to have some bloodwork done?
Beeyatch Nurse: You can’t take that medication and have that test done. You have to stop taking the medication.
Me: I know, but now I need to have bloodwork done?
BN: Why did you have that test done, when you’re on that medication?
Me: Another doctor sent me for the testing.
BN: Well, then he should have told you that you couldn’t do that.
Me: Well he didn’t.
BN: You can’t take that medication and have that testing. That doctor was supposed to tell you that.
Me: Well he didn’t
BN: Well he should have.
Me: OK, well regardless of what he should have done, I have now HAD the test. What do I do?
BN: You need to have bloodwork done, and stop your medication until the results are back.
Me:…. (isn’t that what I just started out saying?) OK, well can you send me a thing for new bloodwork? I have to have some done Friday anyway, so I will just add this in.
BN: It’s too late to send it out! It will never get there in time!
Me: OK, so can we adapt the requisition that I have now to add in the new test?
BN: Normally we don’t do that.
Me: Can we do that this time, though?
BN: Well I suppose so. But normally we don’t do that.

I mean, FFS, she’s obviously one of those people who takes delight in the drama caused by being obstructionist. I hate that trait in people. People who freak out over what should have happened or what might happen, rather than dealing with what IS happening.

OK, so Issue #2, today. I have to go for (you guessed it) bloodwork this week. Since I have been having these absolutely ridiculous female issues, I decided I wanted to have my current level of iron tested too, to see if I need a supplement. So I called and get BN on the phone. Now I need to note that they answered the phone and immediately put me on hold for 9 minutes and 50 seconds too. So it’s already irritating. Finally she answers again.

Me: I am a patient of Dr. 1, and I have to have bloodwork done this week. I want to also have my iron level checked. Can you send me a new requisition which includes my iron level?
BN: You’re having bloodwork done already?
Me: Yes, but it doesn’t include iron levels, and I want those tested too.
BN: Did the doctor want your iron tested?
Me: No, he didn’t ask for it, but I want it tested and I thought since I was going to have bloodwork done I would just combine it, rather than going twice to have blood drawn.
BN: Well, I can’t just send out a new requisition form, I have to check with the doctor.
Me: I assumed you would need to check with the doctor. That’s fine. (Thinking: was there some option I missed where I could call the doctor directly? Otherwise it’s pretty standard that I call you and you check with him, right? Isn’t that what phone-answering nurses are FOR?)
BN: Why do you want to have that checked anyway?
Me: I am at work and I prefer not to go into it, actually. The doctor will understand why I want it checked, when you talk to him.
BN: *heaves a sigh* A number at which you can be reached?

Obstructionist people who hurl up imaginary obstacles everywhere are some of the most tedious people with which to deal, seriously. Just MAKE IT WORK, people. No bitching! There’s no bitching in baseball! Just MAKE IT WORK.

/rant

There is the bitchiest, most thick-headed beeyatch who answers the phones at my endocrinologist’s office. She is consistently assholish and deliberately obtuse, today being no exception.

Issue #1 : I had a situation this spring in which I had gone for some diagnostic testing and no one told me beforehand that one of my medications is contra-indicated in combination with the medication they use in the test, since the combo can cause kidney failure. I understand how the error happened, since Dr. 1 prescribes me the medication and Dr. 2 sent me for the test at Facility 3. But it’s still annoying because I filled out all kinds of paperwork at Dr. 2’s office, informing him of my medications/dosages, so what’s the point of that if they’re going to send me for testing without reading it? Tiresome. Anyway, I got to the place for the testing and in BIG letters the paperwork there asks if I take this medication, and when I tell them I do they say that I can still do the testing, but have to stop the medication and not start it again until 48 hours later AND I have bloodwork to make sure my kidneys are still functioning. Nice. So anyway, after the test is over I call Dr. 1’s office and explain to them what happened, wanting to double-check about the instructions and have them add kidney function testing to the bloodwork requisition I already had for that week. Also, I had been painstakingly working my way up to a full dosage of this medication for weeks, and I was worried about stopping it for 48 hours, what that would do to me (most likely make me really ill.) The phone call proceeded as follows:

Me: I had <x> test done, and I take <z> medication, I understand that now I have to have some bloodwork done?
Beeyatch Nurse: You can’t take that medication and have that test done. You have to stop taking the medication.
Me: I know, but now I need to have bloodwork done?
BN: Why did you have that test done, when you’re on that medication?
Me: Another doctor sent me for the testing.
BN: Well, then he should have told you that you couldn’t do that.
Me: Well he didn’t.
BN: You can’t take that medication and have that testing. That doctor was supposed to tell you that.
Me: Well he didn’t
BN: Well he should have.
Me: OK, well regardless of what he should have done, I have now HAD the test. What do I do?
BN: You need to have bloodwork done, and stop your medication until the results are back.
Me:…. (isn’t that what I just started out saying?) OK, well can you send me a thing for new bloodwork? I have to have some done Friday anyway, so I will just add this in.
BN: It’s too late to send it out! It will never get there in time!
Me: OK, so can we adapt the requisition that I have now to add in the new test?
BN: Normally we don’t do that.
Me: Can we do that this time, though?
BN: Well I suppose so. But normally we don’t do that.

I mean, FFS, she’s obviously one of those people who takes delight in the drama caused by being obstructionist. I hate that trait in people. People who freak out over what should have happened or what might happen, rather than dealing with what IS happening.

OK, so Issue #2, today. I have to go for (you guessed it) bloodwork this week. Since I have been having these absolutely ridiculous female issues, I decided I wanted to have my current level of iron tested too, to see if I need a supplement. So I called and get BN on the phone. Now I need to note that they answered the phone and immediately put me on hold for 9 minutes and 50 seconds too. So it’s already irritating. Finally she answers again.

Me: I am a patient of Dr. 1, and I have to have bloodwork done this week. I want to also have my iron level checked. Can you send me a new requisition which includes my iron level?
BN: You’re having bloodwork done already?
Me: Yes, but it doesn’t include iron levels, and I want those tested too.
BN: Did the doctor want your iron tested?
Me: No, he didn’t ask for it, but I want it tested and I thought since I was going to have bloodwork done I would just combine it, rather than going twice to have blood drawn.
BN: Well, I can’t just send out a new requisition form, I have to check with the doctor.
Me: I assumed you would need to check with the doctor. That’s fine. (Thinking: was there some option I missed where I could call the doctor directly? Otherwise it’s pretty standard that I call you and you check with him, right? Isn’t that what phone-answering nurses are FOR?)
BN: Why do you want to have that checked anyway?
Me: I am at work and I prefer not to go into it, actually. The doctor will understand why I want it checked, when you talk to him.
BN: *heaves a sigh* A number at which you can be reached?

Obstructionist people who hurl up imaginary obstacles everywhere are some of the most tedious people with which to deal, seriously. Just MAKE IT WORK, people. No bitching! There’s no bitching in baseball! Just MAKE IT WORK.

/rant

I am PMS-ing pretty hard, it seems, since three things have made me tear up this morning.

1. A story about a lost parrot who had his name and address memorized so was reunited with his owners
2. This picture
3. Our local Stray Rescue winning a $1 million dollar shelter makeover and the picture of the dog that survived a 2003 attempt to gas him.

This picture didn’t make me tear up though, it made me smile. So I thought I would share that too.

more cat pictures

Now Michael Buble is making me tear up with his song “Everything”. This is all on top of Monday’s episode of House making me cry like Nancy Kerrigan too. It’s going to be a long cycle.

Today was my last physical therapy session. In my evaluation I said that I felt I was about 85% better, and the rest of the improving I have to do I can do with my exercises at home. I can now balance on my bad leg for 30 seconds though! When I started I couldn’t even do one second on that leg. It was really busy at the PT place, my 4:30 slot was a pretty popular one for people getting off from work, I suppose. There really are some characters at that place, for real. Made for excellent people-watching.

Oh, and (accidental I think) weirdness. When my therapist was doing my post-therapy evaluation we were chatting about how busy it is there, and how strange some of the goings-on are. Then he was saying that he thought I would do fine with my at home exercises. “But,” he said “Call me if you have any questions. Even if it’s not about your foot, feel free to go ahead and call me.” Which - I kinda blinked at. Like, what sort of questions? I have a lot about the ways of the world. And why people are the way they are, and why bad things keep happening to me, and all sorts of other kinds of queries, none of which I had thought to address to him. And then it made it kinda seem like he was hitting on me. Which I will presume he was not, but go ahead and totally take because I needed the Friday afternoon ego boost.

Fuck I had a shitbag week at work. It just keeps getting more and more insane there. And I can’t find another job that I want at a place that it wouldn’t kill me to work. I can’t work for a chemical company, or a rifle manufacturer, for god’s sake. Nor do I want to work for a stockbroker or an architecture firm. I guess I just love working in education. It’s just that my kind of position at an educational institution is hard to come by. I have several resumes out, so we will see. For now I am just hanging in there. The good news is that as my hormone levels are (presumably) straightening out, I am much more calm. That’s really good. I like being calm. So it takes more to get me wound up. But by the end of the week I tend to be somewhat wound up. And I wanted to go out tonight and realized that MyTodd™ is in Vegas for a wedding (asshole) and I don’t really like to go out without him, as I have mentioned before. Maybe I will go out tomorrow. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I spend a hefty sum on new plants tonight including an emerald phlox that has foliage to die for. And that cheered me. Also I put my keys in the pocket with the hole in it (note to self: examine why so many of my pockets have holes in them. perhaps some mending is in order?) and then had a frantic “dig through purse 30 times in vain effort to find keys” moment and then found that some kind soul had turned them in. But then I got home and two of these foul little dogs had pooped in my office because I was so late. So all in all it’s a mixed bag kind of evening.

OK /end overshare-ramble-rant.

So, aside from crying like Nancy Kerrigan I haven’t posted much about my medical situation lately. Mostly because it’s confusing and it’s not funny at all. (I can’t even make it funny, and I can make almost anything that happens to me sound funny)

I am suffering from what seems to be a startling panoply of maladies, and after being told for so long that I was “just fine” that seems strange. I will, however, share this latest incident, because it’s not about the main thing that’s wrong with me, and it’s weird and funny insomuch as it has to do with the incompetence of other people.

OK so I can’t breathe. Now seriously, when I tell you that I can’t breathe and that’s not the main thing wrong with me… well. Anyway, that’s enough dramarama. Oh shit, I just realized I never blogged about the Truly Horrific Upper GI Incident™. Well, sit back, this is likely to be marathon then.

So for about a year I have been having intermittent problems & weirdness with my breathing. Like, suddenly I would be driving down the road and realize that I hadn’t taken a breath in a minute or so. Or sitting at my desk and suddenly feel as if I couldn’t catch my breath. Like everything else I chalked it up to stress. But then it got worse. I was not only having problems breathing, sometimes I couldn’t swallow. Sometimes I would swallow and it would go down the wrong way. Sometimes I had to mouth-breathe, and you know that makes you look stupid. Stress? I didn’t know. When I was finally diagnosed with several of the main things wrong with me (surprisingly, none of them mental!) I mentioned this whole “can’t breathe” thing. My internist sent me to have an ultrasound of my thyroid (considering that I have thyroid disease) and also an “Upper GI/barium swallow” to see if there was any mechanical obstruction of my airway. Both tests were scheduled on the same day, early in the morning since the barium one is a fasting type-o test. I was scheduled to go into work after they were done. The thyroid ultrasound was first. Those tests can be sort of relaxing, as medical tests go, since they’re in a darkened room and (aside from the vaginal probe ones) are non-invasive. The gel is kinda gross, but overall an ultrasound is not a bad test.

Then I went for the Upper GI. Holy mother of fuck. That is just not a normal thing. Let me try to sum up my experience.

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