Sometimes I go back and see what I was doing a year ago, because that’s one of the reasons I keep a damn blog in the first place. And 08/05/07’s post was way funner than anything I have to say at the moment.

Don’t know if I’ve gotten more boring or just more jaded. Actually, I didn’t think more jaded was possible. Maybe that’s the lesson from last year to this year  - It’s always possible to become more jaded, bitter and cynical than you are right now! Can’t wait to see how that plays out for next year. I think I may just take up carrying an Uzi full time by then, and casually shooting anyone who uses ironic quotation marks incorrectly.

I know, I know, I always get more introspective this time of year. Yeah, I know, you didn’t know it was possible for me to actually ramp up the level of introspection periodically, but it is.

Right now, for the record, what I feel is kind of sorry for myself. Kind of like I wasted this year. Kind of sorry for other people I know, who seem sad and unable to grow. Kind of bored of all this, and really not understanding the point. Kind of lonely. Kind of wishing things were vastly different. Kind of lucky they’re at least as good as they are. Kind of frustrated that I can’t be a different sort of person.

I had determined that this year was going to be a year of Big Change. And I did do lots of different things. And lots of things happened to me that I wouldn’t have chosen. So things did change. But I still feel the same.

One thing hasn’t changed from last year to this though - I still think all sports are a retarded waste of life, and will gladly not-watch sports with any of you, anytime.

Time makes you sorry for the things that you’ve done
Sometimes you walk away and sometimes you run
And the weather’s fine here; I can feel a slight chill
Some things change babe, and some never will

So I call you up just to tell you why
Why I left you and say goodbye
Ooh must be the mood I’m in
I’m thinking of you again
I call you up just to tell you why
Why I left you and say goodbye

Eva Cassidy - Say Goodbye

When I joined Yahoo! personals I quickly realized that it was THE lowest common denominator online dating site. Every illiterate hoosier in 125 miles of here was on there trying to get laid despite having fewer years of education than they had teeth.

Then I stumbled onto OKCupid which had a somewhat higher-IQ user base. Sure, there was a fair percentage of freaks & geeks, and lots of polyamory wannabees who couldn’t even get one chick, let alone a couple of ‘em, but I have a soft spot for geeks and the site was fun. But someone must have told the Yahoo! white-trash brigade, and now everyone within 100 miles of me is once again a total hoosier freak. Examples include (verbatim from self description):

just a laid back type of guy who dont like cheating ,people who judges others,love sports like ,baseball,football,basketball,fast pitch softball.i love camping,cooking,i just like to have fun life is to short to hate people

Seriously, what the FUCK is a smart chick to do? Aside from hole herself up in her room and cry at the thought of never finding any kind of suitable companionship unless she moves to a coast?

Sidenote: there are few things stupider than a white-trash guy wearing a do-rag, and yes I am talking to you, Mr. Sleeveless Shirt at Michael’s today. You look a fool, and like you smell bad.

Ik wil
Een contract
Bij een notaris, dat het waar is
Jij hoort bij mij
Ik hoor bij jou
Een contract
Bij een ambtenaar, in het openbaar
Jij blijft bij mij
Ik blijf bij jou

Narcissus does not fall in love with his reflection because it is beautiful, but because it is his.

If it were his beauty that enthralled him, he would be set free in a few years by its fading. - W.H. Auden

My name is Susan, and I’m addicted to narcissists.

Though I have known for years that I tend to form strange-attractor relationships with narcissists, each time one of my new “friends” is revealed as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I am again stunned at my peculiar (perhaps willful) blind spot for this condition.

I am not talking about people who are just self-centered and/or occasionally grandiose, but people who have clinical NPD - an inability to see others as real people with wants, needs and feelings. To clinical narcissists we’re all just cogs in their massive ego-feeding machine. We’re wanted as long as we’re useful for that purpose and we’re disposable once we’re not.

Narcissists can be hard to detect; they can masquerade as normal people for a surprisingly long time - when it suits them. Some of them can successfully hold down jobs, and since they hate to be alone they are usually surrounded with “friends”. Some of their actions toward you or others may seem altruistic or even benevolent. For instance they like to be seen as helping others, rescuing the less-capable or using their “special” abilities and knowledge to assist friends and family. They’re also quite skilled liars/serial exaggerators (especially about other people and events in their lives) so unless you get to know them in their native habitat and can assess their truthfulness for yourself, you may be taken in. For instance, a narcissist may complain incessantly about the inadequacies of their friends, family or coworkers. They may explain to you in detail how they have helped/assisted/educated/saved these people. It’s not until you meet them that you discover the contribution of the narcissist was probably rather less than they have claimed, and the other party was not in quiet as hapless, helpless and inept as they were reported to be.

One of the key indicators of narcissism (and my particular downfall in recognition of them) is that they have no empathy whatsoever and show no interest in other people’s lives (unless they think that person is of a special importance/level of expertise and/or will impact their own life in some way that they desire). They will expect you to be very interested in them, their projects, their day-to-day heroics (or minutia) and whatever else they want to show off about. But they will almost never ask what you are thinking/doing/working on, and will not be able to dredge up more than the most superficial interest in things you attempt to convey to them.

I almost never recognize this because: Continue reading »

I’ve been avoiding any kind of dating sites for a few months now. I’ve had neither the energy nor the interest required to deal with that kind of nonsense. But I got this email that was all “People have been checking you out! Log in or we’re all going to hold our breath UNTIL WE DIE!” and I don’t really feel like working this afternoon, so I logged in.

First of all, I know darn good and well that you get a little “this person hasn’t logged in since such-and-such” message on these profiles, so people who are messaging me when I haven’t been online in months are particularly non-observant. The quantity of the messages was surprising, but the quality was refreshingly consistent, with such gems as: (bolding mine)

I would like to become a very close personal friend and companion with you. I am seeking sexual encounters with good looking affectionate female. You do look wonderful. I seek NO strings attached, or also some strings attached, which ever you prefer.

That’s clear enough then, thanks.

Then there are my favorite, blanket emailers who have never read ANYONE’s profile.

i love to play golf,camping,writing and watch sporting games and a whole lot other things to make me busy and don’t lonely.

That’s good, because one of MY favorite things to be is “don’t lonely” too! I am always don’t lonely when I am playing golf while camping!

Then we have a mix of guys who are

1. married
2. 10-15 years younger than me
3. unemployed
4. Wanting me to be their polyamorous love-slave
5. Dutch guys who want to strike up an international romance/get a green card
6. Guys who are coming into town at some point in the near to middlin’ future and want to “get together”

Usually they’re even a mix of the above. Like a 21 year old unemployed polyamorous motherfucker who rides a Harley and wants to engage me in some no-strings group sex. Ugh.

Anyway, there’s nothing new under the sun, and nothing of interest either.

Clueless Guys Can’t Read Women - Yahoo! News

More often than not, guys interpret even friendly cues, such as a subtle smile from a gal, as a sexual come-on, and a new study discovers why: Guys are clueless.

This is like someone going hunting and using moldy Jello as bait. Who in the world would be interested in the man who describes himself thusly?

hi there i am divorced white male 36 years old i have not been with a women in 6 years and i am looking to see whats pit there

Pathetic, no attention to detail, whole words that don’t even have any business being there… I don’t know what people are thinking. Srsly.

Bad speller, or anti-Semite?

im really new at this, be gentile!

Headline: do u excist?
Body of message:

looking for someone I can trust and possible long term (no BBWs) see my body type? (slender) so not attracted to anyone larger than myself, thank you ,someone under 5 foot 9 inches, under 130 pounds and I like long hair I must be attracted also, thank you…

I am not even going to comment. These (literal and figurative) morons with looks-laundry-lists, who think that non-trustworthy people actually self-identify as such (and even if they did it’s unlikely they would have a problem saying they WERE trustworthy when they’re not because, hey, by definition they’re not trustworthy.) I wonder if they ever find similarly moronic women to interact with?

There was another guy whose profile I saw today who had this to say about his dream girl:

My goal is to find someone classy. This woman will know how to dress decently and can look nice in the most casual of things.

She will have goals in life, even if they are cartoonish and or a planned out strategy. Hopefully her goals won’t be something as typical as becoming a music artist or a poet. If so, please don’t reply.

Perhaps her goals could be something as atypical as guiding and supporting you through a remedial grammar course?

In reading this guy’s whole profile I see that he has identified 17 individual “must-have” qualities in a potential mate, and 4 “extra” qualities. This is precious.

Must-haves

1. Educated
2. Classy
3. No Slang
4. Looks nice in casual clothes
5. not petty (*snerk*)
6. Has goals (can be cartoonish!)
7. Goals are not to be a poet/musician
8. Can’t have ex-boyfriends who still call
9. Understands trust is earned
10. single
11. Understand his need for space
12. have own hobbies
13. Not a mother or a judge (to him, not vocationally I assume)
14. Knows when she is wrong and can “suck it up” (I assume he’s not smart enough for that to be an entendre)
15. Nice
16. Smart
17. Attractive

Extras

1. A woman that has a passion for all types of movies
2. a woman that knows what a MMO is and maybe plays one
3. Sexually open minded and open to lots of things
4. a woman with a nice butt and/or chest

I have to say, the world of online dating never fails to amaze and astonish me. I mean, you know why these people are still available and looking online. (OK that’s an equal indictment of me, I realize) This whole laundry-list aspect of looking for a mate is so bizarre. Is there really a woman out there who reads this and thinks “Oh, hot DAMN, I do look good in casual clothes!”?

This guy is basically saying that he wants a smart, mature, attractive, goal-oriented, educated woman who is into all his hobbies but will leave him alone when he wants it, is reasonable in her approach to relationship conflict, will support him while he finishes his education, doesn’t care that he’s broke-ass, will help him raise his kid, won’t ever form a negative opinion of him (I love how he says he wants someone non-judgmental!) will be into the same kinky shit he is and will have minimal past relationships/history.

Yeah. OK. Let me know how that goes. Because you may be looking for that woman - heck, that woman may even exist. But I can guarantee that woman is not looking for you.

OK look… seriously.

I….

No, really.

Seriously.

For REAL now.

…oh fuckit.

Just read this shit that someone felt the need to message me.

Continue reading »

The Cut-and-Paste Personality - WSJ.com

Lacking inspiration and a moral compass, some online daters are borrowing other people’s witty Web profiles. - by JENNIFER SARANOW
February 15, 2008

These identity thieves don’t want your money. They want your quirky sense of humor and your cool taste in music.

Among the 125 million people in the U.S. who visit online dating and social-networking sites are a growing number of dullards who steal personal profiles, life philosophies, even signature poems. “Dude u like copied my whole myspace,” posts one aggrieved victim.

…Original souls who discover they have been replicated say it’s unethical and creepy. “I came across a guy who completely STOLE my profile message,” posts one woman in Michigan. “I mean he had to have copied and pasted the whole thing and then just changed gender specific things to fit his own!!”

OK that’s creepy and effed up. Luckily the people I tend to go for have profiles that are too damn weird to possibly apply to more than one person. As is, hopefully, my own.

That made me think what self-descriptor of mine people might be likely to borrow. Searching for my favorite (churlish misanthrope) on Google (I am results # 5,7 and 8 for that phrase, BTW) led me to this lovely quote

“Even the churlish misanthrope, who avoids intercourse with men in general, must have someone whom he can tell how he hates mankind.”

Indeed.

And I won’t even make an “intercourse with men joke” because I am so dignified. *ahem*

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