Fun with home ownership
I guess the people who rehabbed my house put up all of the smoke detectors on the same day, because all of the batteries started failing within hours of each other this week. I could shut them off by whacking them with my Swiffer, but that’s a temporary solution at best. Last night I forgot to stop somewhere to pick up 9-volts, so I was prepared for another night of intermittent beeping. Problem is, neither Jake nor Chelsea has ever been exposed to that type of noise before. So I had two miserable pups crouching under desks, following me around all night, scared out of their minds. Princess B naturally chilled out on a chair and looked at them as if they were nuts.
The noise wasn’t bad to me, but the dog’s forlorn posturings were too much to take, so I went downstairs to get my step stool and take the thing down. No good, too short by a couple of inches, even with the step stool. Dammit. So I went up to the third floor where my tall ladder was (I had been painting earlier in the week, not quite done with that.) Hauled it downstairs, took one smoke detector down. Ewwww, that’s dirty on the other side. Gross. Beeeeeeeeep. Fuck. OK, wasn’t that one. Took another one down. At least this one is cleaner. Beeeeeeeeeep - Mother FUCKER. OK, not that one either. Carried the ladder back up. The ladder is heavy, the stairs are steep. Took a third one down. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Oh holy assfuck, where is this thing? On to #4. Beeeeeeeeeep. Now we’re to the point of inarticulate sounds of rage and hurling 9 volt batteries onto the floor in pure aggravation. I went back downstairs and realized that it was the smoke detector in my office (where I was when I decided to start looking for the beep) the entire time. I beat it down off of the ceiling with a broom handle and threw it away. I won’t say that I destroyed it down with savage glee, but I won’t say I didn’t, either. And even with fixing it, Jake and Chelsea wouldn’t come back upstairs that evening, and Chelsea spent the night in the kennel on the first floor. Bruiser thinks they suck.
Now I HAVE to remember to get 9-volt batteries tonight, because some law of irony says that tonight is when I will burn to death in my bed for lack of working smoke detectors.
2 Responses to “Fun with home ownership”
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I don’t even know which smoke detectors work in my house. Every now and then I just go out and buy some new ones, because I’ve invariably yanked out batteries when something goes beep, beep, beep. :oops: