Here’s What I’m Gonna Need

August 2nd, 2010

I have been exposed to a lot of dark things lately. It’s starting to feel like everything is dark, and everyone’s all rotten and crafty and scheming on the inside. Like no one is trustworthy. And that can’t be true. I don’t believe that can actually be true. So why does it FEEL that way? As I was pondering this, it occurred to me that the people I know who are leading quiet, honest lives don’t necessarily go around telling stories about their everyday goodness and morality. They don’t have gripping tales of the lack of awful shit they got up to at the weekend. But the other people – they do tell stories. A lot of stories. And those other stories are so loud and jarring that there doesn’t seem to be anything else going on out there.

So here’s what I am going to need from you. If any of the following statements apply to you, I am going to need you to randomly, periodically remind me that they do. Just feel free to throw these out there, so I am not perpetually lost in a sea of the other kind of thing.

Here’s what I’d like to hear, if you can claim it:

Today, I did not cheat on my significant other
Today, I did not help someone else cheat other their significant other, and then claim that was not my problem
Today, I didn’t lie to someone to make my life easier
Today, I didn’t betray someone who loves me
Today, I didn’t betray someone and then claim to love them
Today, I did not betray myself
Today, I broke no one’s trust
Today, I made it harder on myself, because I knew it would be easier on you
Today, I didn’t fuck up anyone’s dreams
Today, I didn’t screw over a friend who trusted me
Today, I stopped myself doing what felt good, and did what was actually good
Today, I didn’t have sex with someone who wasn’t free to have sex with me
Today, I didn’t have sex with someone who was unwilling to have sex with me
Today, I didn’t rob anyone at gunpoint
Today, I did not rationalize my bad behavior toward someone else by claiming I could not help myself
Today, I did not hurt anyone’s feelings on purpose
Today, I stopped myself from saying that thing, and said the other thing
Today, I was not needlessly cruel
Today, I tried harder

Because honestly, my people, I love you—but you’re withering up the last little sliver of heart I have left. There are some things in this world that I would like to have faith in. And if I am going to be able to manage that, I am going to need you to do better than this.

If you do not want to live in a world populated by lying, selfish jerks, try not being a lying, selfish jerk. You might like how it feels.

Filed under: anti-socialism, people suck | Comments (9)

9 Responses to “Here’s What I’m Gonna Need”

Dim Reaper on August 4, 2010 2:27 am
What you say is (as usual!) quite correct. Although I hope that I will never become a Guardian Of Public Morals, I do sometimes feel I am the last person left with a full set of principles.

I’m not a paragon of virtue, but over the past couple of years having been betrayed or just downright stabbed in the back by people I considered friends and stuck my neck out for many times, I can definitely understand where you’re coming from.

Anyway, just to help here, I will make one definite statement which unfortunately even some of my best friends can’t claim:

•This lifetime, I did not cheat on my significant other.
SuperBadGirl on August 4, 2010 6:11 am
OK, that totally brought tears to my eyes. I needed that even more than I knew I needed that. Thanks Dim.

And likewise, I do not think that my moral framework is anything too out of the ordinary. It’s mostly “don’t hurt other people on purpose.” Simple, right?

Just seems like other people THINK that’s what they’re doing too, but they just add a lot of qualifiers like – if they don’t find out (right away) it doesn’t count. Or – if wanted to really, really badly it doesn’t count. Or – if other people I know have done the same it doesn’t count.

Protip: it all counts.

Sidenote: your latest blog post about delivering a copy of the rules of the road to your fellow drivers by punching it through their windscreen? Cracked me up. The whole post was awesome. I love when you rant. Meant to comment, but got caught up in some work shenanigans. :-)
Dim Reaper on August 4, 2010 11:39 am
What can I say? There is just so much to rant about!

A very good friend of mine told me a few years ago that she had gone on a date with someone because he kept pestering her to go out with him – even though she had a long-term boyfriend. I was a bit dismayed that she kissed the guy at the end of the evening – but didn’t consider that cheating. I didn’t lecture her on it, but it surprised me that anyone would think that kissing was not cheating.

Maybe it’s because I see things very much in black and white – it’s right or it’s wrong. The downside of this is I’m not good at compromising when I know something is wrong.
SuperBadGirl on August 4, 2010 12:01 pm
Well, there’s multiple things wrong with that scenario – one is that there’s no reason to date when you’re in an LTR and another is that there’s no reason to date anyone just because they pester you. That’s what pepper spray is for.

And if you can’t tell your partner ahead of time you’re planning to do it – it’s cheating. If you can, and they don’t object, it’s not. That seems simple to me.

I cannot imagine I would want to be in a relationship with a guy who thought it was OK for me to go out on dates with and/or kiss other fellows.
jeniPANTS on August 4, 2010 4:59 pm
I <3 you.

also, Dim, I need to read your blog. Because I miss you, n' stuff.
Dim Reaper on August 15, 2010 5:46 pm
Hi Jen! Come on over any time! I’ve just got back from a week away so I have plenty to rant about!
jeniPANTS on August 16, 2010 2:17 pm
Um, linkage?
Dim Reaper on August 16, 2010 2:24 pm
Oh sorry, thought you already had the link! There is one here on SBG’s page, but since I can’t actually see it right now:

http://dimsblog.northuk.net
jeniPANTS on August 16, 2010 2:29 pm
w00t :) Loading now :)