How about a nice cool glass of…

April 22nd, 2010

I’ve really been needing to read other women talking about the experience of being women, lately. I have been hungry for it, needed to immerse myself in it. I feel like, in the course of the last year or so, I have been trying very hard to do some things that were important to me, and in doing those things (which were important! and worked out well!) I also sort of lost touch of the righteous core of who I am. That kind of angry, fuck-you-motherfucker, don’t try to tell me shit hostility that makes you strong and keeps you grounded and sane.

Only thing is, it’s not always conducive to making or keeping friends, and it’s a lot to explain, and it’s tiresome to be always explaining it. So that part of me has been set aside for awhile, and there have been a million comments I have not addressed and a million topics I have not broached, because, you know, let’s all get along and stuff. And that’s still important, I am not giving up getting along. I am just saying I have been starving to soak my skin in the experience of other women who walk around as angry and aware as I am. And that’s easier to do online, to find the smart, angry ladies who are posting about how fucked up a bunch of shit is. If you’re always talking in person about how fucked up shit is, you become that girl and then your voice is never heard, you’re too easy to discount. So you have to temper it so nobody thinks you’re angry all the time and so I swallow my outraged voice, as ladies often do.

But anyway, this week I wanted angry and funny and righteous, and holy shit did I find it in this post. This is the story of a guy who wrote a prominent feminist blogger a nice long post mansplaining how she in particular and feminists in general are doing it wrong. Seriously. And THEN, and THEN he started supposing whether or not he’d enjoy a date with the writer of the post or another woman associated with the site (you know, as they’d probably be busy doing it wrong on the date too.) Her reply to that notion gave me my first startled bark of laughter:

There are a few answers to this question, Freddie. The first is that I am never, ever, EVER going to fuck you, and Amanda has had a boyfriend for approximately forever as I understand it, and I have a boyfriend TOO but would STILL avoid fucking you were that not the case, so you REALLY don’t need to worry about how this theoretical feminist date of ours might go. It would always end with you not getting fucked, is the answer.

The nerve of that guy. And then she continues to righteously take him to task for claiming to be a feminist and yet basically denying these women the right to express themselves as they see fit, and explaining how he, a man, would do it better and differently. Her reply to that made my jaw drop and then made me just sit and guffaw. Right the fuck ON, lady.

SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.

I mean it. SHUT THE FUCK UP, Freddie. Shut the fuck up and let the big girls talk. Because we know way more about this than you. And every time you want to pitch in with an observation? Shut the fuck up a little bit harder. And maybe, after a few years or decades or whatever, you might have absorbed enough from listening to people with actual feminist insight (possibly related to their actually being women) to contribute productively to the conversation. But, in the meantime, actual feminists are going to get a lot more done, simply by virtue of not having to listen to the ungodly noise that comes out of your mouth. Truly, Freddie: You should shut the fuck up. Shutting the fuck up is, in fact, the biggest contribution you can make to the feminist cause.

And you know what? I fucking love me some angry, loud women. I need it, I need to see it. I need to read it and hear it around me and have it reinforced as a legitimate model for my own behavior. I think we all need that. It doesn’t matter if you ARE angry or if you WANT to be angry – it’s important that expression of anger is an OPTION for us. One that does not make us seem crazy or hysterical or “unfeminine.” – whatever the fuck that means.

And so—rock on angry, loudmouth ladies, you make me feel stronger and I thank you for that.

Filed under: women's issues | Comments (3)

3 Responses to “How about a nice cool glass of…”

jenipants on April 23, 2010 9:31 pm
I fully enjoyed reading their rants. :) I had a good LOL.
Heidi on April 26, 2010 1:03 am
Whoa, Freddie’s a prick! Holy crap. How many times do you think he consulted a thesaurus while writing that pretentious little tantrum? And given the update on there, he’s obviously a common troll. I love how she dealt with him.
SuperBadGirl on April 26, 2010 6:56 am
I know! Wasn’t it AWESOME!? My jaw dropped at one point, maybe two points. Righteous fury coming from girls is just not something you see often enough.