On Being a Girl

April 21st, 2010

My friend James Blackwood posted this video a few months back, and exhorted us to go and watch it. I did not want to, because my attention span is fried and it looked loooooong. But I trust my friend James Blackwood, and he told me it would be good for me, and so I watched it. And it was good for me. It made me feel good. I have thought of it ever since, so in a way it changed me. That makes me happy. Recently I had some experiences that made me think about it even more, and I realized I’d never shared it here or talked about it here, and I wanted to do that.

It is a video of a TED talk that Eve Ensler gave. And it’s about girls. Girls and their power, and their wisdom and their connection to things. And it’s about how “girly” is the ultimate insult – and why that is. Why everyone is so afraid to be likened to these creatures. It is a wonderful, perceptive thing she talks about. At the end (16:15 on the video, for those who have not the patience to watch the whole thing, but I think you should. If you do not trust me, trust James Blackwood.) she reads a poem about being a girl, and it’s wonderful. I will paste the text below the video. I hope it is impactful for you like it was for me.

I AM AN EMOTIONAL CREATURE

I love being a girl.
I can feel what you’re feeling
as you’re feeling it inside
the feeling
before.
I am an emotional creature.
Things do not come to me
as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.
They pulse through my organs and legs
and burn up my ears.
I know when your girlfriend’s really pissed off
even though she appears to give you what
you want.
I know when a storm is coming.
I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.
I can tell you he won’t call back.
It’s a vibe I share.

I am an emotional creature.
I love that I do not take things lightly.
Everything is intense to me.
The way I walk in the street.
The way my mother wakes me up.
The way I hear bad news.
The way it’s unbearable when I lose.

I am an emotional creature.
I am connected to everything and everyone.
I was born like that.
Don’t you dare say all negative that it’s a
teenage thing
or it’s only only because I’m a girl.
These feelings make me better.
They make me ready.
They make me present.
They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.
There is a particular way of knowing.
It’s like the older women somehow forgot.
I rejoice that it’s still in my body.

I know when the coconut’s about to fall.
I know that we’ve pushed the earth too far.
I know my father isn’t coming back.
That no one’s prepared for the fire.
I know that lipstick means
more than show.
I know that boys feel super-insecure
and so-called terrorists are made, not born.
I know that one kiss can take
away all my decision-making ability
and sometimes, you know, it should.

This is not extreme.
It’s a girl thing.
What we would all be
if the big door inside us flew open.
Don’t tell me not to cry.
To calm it down
Not to be so extreme
To be reasonable.
I am an emotional creature.
It’s how the earth got made.
How the wind continues to pollinate.
You don’t tell the Atlantic ocean
to behave.

I am an emotional creature.
Why would you want to shut me down
or turn me off?
I am your remaining memory.
I am connecting you to your source.
Nothing’s been diluted.
Nothing’s leaked out.
I can take you back.

I love that I can feel the inside
of the feelings in you,
even if it stops my life
even if it hurts too much
or takes me off track
even if it breaks my heart.
It makes me responsible.
I am an emotional
I am an emotional, devotional,
incandotional, creature.
And I love, hear me,
love love love
being a girl.

Filed under: women's issues | Comments (4)

4 Responses to “On Being a Girl”

Heidi on April 26, 2010 12:39 am
I don’t know your friend, but I did watch it, so that was all trusting you. I was thinking OMFSM-she-wants-me-to-watch-something-it’s-gonna-be-looong, so I figured if you watched it anyway, so should I. Besides, you brought me to Joss, so you’ve got that going for you. ;-)

Anyway I did enjoy it, so thanks. I found that last part of her poem interesting. I hate being connected to other people’s emotions when it’s painful. It’s so incredibly draining, and I’m not sure I could ever embrace that. But I will think about it.
SuperBadGirl on April 26, 2010 7:03 am
I am glad you watched it, and I hope you found it interesting. It’s just a different way of thinking, embracing the parts of yourself that society devalues. But heck yeah, those things are important. Why should we have to stifle them and pretend that they aren’t there?

I understand about other people’s emotions being painful, and they *are* draining. It’s why I can’t always be around people and need a lot of breaks. But at the same time, I would never want to give up the enormous empathy I have for people as a result of it. The world needs more empathy, and I got a double-dose, but I like who I am, and that’s part of what made me this way. So yeah – painful, but also wonderful. I love the ability to be so connected, if I choose to be. And I also love the ability to go home and shut the door, too. :-)
Heidi on April 26, 2010 3:30 pm
I did find it interesting. And I feel like I need to check out different ways of thinking more often.

I knew you’d get the part about other people draining you. Which is one of the reasons I am always so impressed with all the places you go and things you do with other people. I can only take so much of other people before I want to claw all my senses out.

But I think she’s really on to something there. Everybody else’s empathy is broken and ours is actually normal. And if everybody got their shit working it wouldn’t be such a soul suck to go among them.
SuperBadGirl on April 27, 2010 11:34 am
I liked another quote of hers I saw where she said that if someone calls her emotional she says “Thank you! I have worked very hard to be this emotional, and if you work hard, someday YOU can be this emotional too!”

And I think that’s actually very healthy, to be in tune with yourself and your own reactions enough to react to them in the moment, to BE emotional, it is actually very brave and powerful. I mean, yes there is a certain bravery required in sucking it up and soldiering on when you’d rather lose your shit, but there’s also a bravery in losing your shit and carrying on anyway – but respecting that you’ve had an emotion, you’ve had a reaction.

And as far as doing stuff goes – it’s hard but it gets easier. You have to find the right people and you have slowly expand your zone of comfort. And now I can go many places! And do many things! With many people! And only rarely do I Freak the Fuck Out! So yeah, it can be done, but it’s assloads of really painful work, to be honest with you. Worth it for me though. At least so far.