Processing
So my Dad has been feeling “short of breath” for awhile. Translation: he’s barely able to move and constantly exhausted. But like most men his age he’s practically allergic to doctors, so he keeps thinking it’s going to get better on its own. My Mom finally convinced him to go in for a stress test, and the doctor said that they couldn’t do it – something about not being able to get a clear picture. So they scheduled him for an angioplasty this morning. But once they got in there they just stopped – his blockage is so bad that they couldn’t clear it or put in stents and hope for any degree of success. So he’s now scheduled for a triple-bypass on Monday morning. They’re not letting him leave the hospital until the operation either, they said it’s too big of a risk to let him walk around. He’s got to be pissed as hell, since he thinks all doctors are only trying to scam him for his money, and this keeping him the hospital thing is sure to be seen as part of that.
The doctor says that the heart itself is strong and undamaged, so they’re confident that the surgery will go well. But still, triple bypass? WTF. The funny thing is, that staying in the hospital from Friday to Monday – or I guess beyond since they won’t let him leave the same day as his surgery I guess – will be the longest he’s gone without drinking in approximately forever. I don’t even know how his body will react to that.
I don’t really know what to think right now. I mean, this is not entirely unexpected. He’s a 70+ overweight diabetic alcoholic with high blood pressure and high cholesterol. He eats like crap, drinks constantly and gets no exercise. Heart trouble isn’t what you’d call a surprise. I don’t know what to think about all this, or how worried to be. I guess I have been trying to brace myself for a long time, it’s inevitable that his health will deteriorate. My Mom is one of five sisters, and all their husbands are dead. Not that I am cavalier about it, just that I don’t want to freak until I have a reason to. This just feels like the next logical step in the sequence, right? Don’t take care of yourself, suffer ill-health, see if our modern medical technology can save you.
Basically I am just refusing to process this until I get more information.
Filed under: family madness, Health Stuff | Comments (3)3 Responses to “Processing”
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My father, a 72 year old diabetic who basically uses his insulin as an opportunity to eat more cake, was feeling short of breath last week and was taken by ambulance to the hospital, where he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. His blockage is so bad, and his vessels so weak from the years of diabetes, that he was told he was not a good candidate for surgery, and sent home with meds.
He wasn’t even going to let my sister or I know he went to the hospital, but the woman in the room next to him basically made him give her my sister’s workplace, and she called her to tell her my dad was brought in.
Oh and even better, while he was there he picked up the MRSA virus which has settled in one eye and is making him blind. He’s getting injects twice a day from a hospice worker, and he lives with his girlfriend who is caring for him, and is refusing to let anyone help him.
I wish I had the answer for how to process all of this, but I don’t and haven’t for a long time. My father has been on a self-destructive spiral for years, and it’s appalling to watch this in a parent, because as I’ve found I am the last person on the planet my dad is going to listen to advice from. It makes you feel so helpless, more than anything, to watch a parent do this to themselves, and not be able to do a thing to make a difference.
My dad spends so much time regretting the past that he’s forgotten how to enjoy anything in his current life. He’s frequently “joked” about how he’s just waiting to die, and how he’s not worried about the diabetes because he’s sure something else will kill him first. Well,turns out he might have been wrong. His girlfriend has helpfully pointed out to him that since he called the ambulance, he must actually want to live, so she doesn’t want to hear anymore of his negative talk. And she’s determined to get him eating healthier, and he’s made a bunch of plans to really change his life. I hope it’s in time.
I haven’t read the rest of what you wrote here about this but I will do that next. I really wish you all the best in going through this, and your family too.
He said “You know, they actually stop your heart.” He sounded flabbergasted and scared. Do I think he will change his ways? No. Do I think he might not be so maudlin and sit around wanting to die in his sleep all the time? Maybe. I think death might have lost some of its allure.
God I just hope he doesn’t pick up an infection while he’s in there.
My sympathies for what you’re going through. This is surreal and difficult and hard to wrap your brain around, for sure.