You really couldn’t have it more wrong.

So this is two weeks in a row that my Friday experience has very negatively impacted my Saturday experience. Which makes me think that there are some changes needing to be made.

To be fair, I was pissed as all hell going into Friday, so it’s not surprising that I didn’t enjoy myself, but still I might have if everyone I ran into wasn’t such a total douchebag. I was edgy and irritable, I know, but that doesn’t change the fact that I was insulted in about 397 ways, and had to deal with some major fucktwats.

Seriously, when you’re talking to someone and they keep telling you that maybe you should shut up before you hurt their feelings, and then they are forced to say, “OK stop. Just stop talking now.” but you keep talking… then don’t be acting surprised when they have a negative reaction to the rest of what you’re saying, and possibly try to run you over with their car later in the evening.

And don’t get that shocked look on your face like “Why is this girl trying to run me over with her car?” Because you should intuit that shit way before I am forced to mow you down.What am I, made of some kind of non-feelings-having substance? Is it seriously OK to say anything to me, and expect me not to care? I am so tired of being polite, I am so tired of being nice, I am so tired of peacekeeping and making allowances for things people say to me – I am so, so tired of it. There is only so much a girl can take, OK? I know I am smiling on the outside, but on the inside I am six inches from stabbing you.

Honest to fucking god, is it possible that my choking rage is not visible when I talk to people? Really?

Here are a few things that I wanted to say to various people last night, in no particular order, please fill in quite randomly:

• “Seriously? That’s what you’re going with?”
• “OK, rude motherfucker, do that shit. Nobody likes your ass anyway, I was only being polite.”
• “No you stupid fake-tan cunt, there’s no fucking room here.”
• “If you rub up against me one more time and then laugh and say “sorry!” I am going to fucking snatch that horrific fright-wig off your head and choke you to death with it.”
• “No we don’t know each other you stupid cocksucker. Fuck the fuck off.”
• “Holy shit, could your story be more boring?”
• “Motherfuck, that’s some pathetic fucking shit. How do you expect me to respond to that?”
• “Please stop hitting on my friends and creeping them out, you retarded motherfuck. Did you hear her say she has a boyfriend? She didn’t mean you.”
• “Is it possible that you’re body-language illiterate?”
• “No one is impressed with your constant conversational one-ups.”
• “The more you talk about how not-gay you are, the harder I suppose you take it up the ass.”
• “No, no, it’s flattering for you to insult me that way. It’s opposite world up in here.”
• “Umm, so you weren’t listening the first time? I am not telling you that shit again. Please stop wasting all my time.”
• “Why do you have to ruin my evening just to assuage your own bottomless need for an adoring audience?”
• “Please stop kissing on me. No, seriously.”
• “If you tell me that same theory of yours just once more, I am going to break this glass on the edge of the bar, and slash my own jugular with it. You will never get the stains out.”
• “Ha ha ha! That’s really not hilarious at all. Why don’t you go away for awhile? I can’t because I am crippled, but you really, really should.”
• “Did you hear me tell you to stop talking? OK, was that ambiguous in some way? OK then why are you still talking?”
• “MAKE UP YOUR FEEBLE MIND ALREADY.”
• “Tell me again a few things I should do differently with my life. OK now a few more. I totally live for your fucking lifestyle tips, Oprah. Especially considering your own life is so pathetic amazing.”
• “If you neck-tackle her one more time, I am going to belt you in your stupid grinning yap-hole.”
• “No, I am not going to tell you that story ‘really quickly.’ If you want to hear what I have to say then calm down and listen, and if you don’t want to hear it then go stand and yammer at the wall or something. Jesus.”
• “No, I don’t really want to pee with you in here, dipshit. You could seriously wait outside.”
• “Oh no, it’s fine. I am really most like a giant animatronic doll. You can say/do anything to me that you’d like. Just let me know which of my five pre-programmed happy-ass responses you’d like. Great, would you like a BJ with that?”
• “Again, no problem, just say whatever. I feel nothing! I had my ego surgically extracted. Insult away, I am impervious!”
• “Stop grinning at me, before I do you a violence.”

Anyway, just fuck a bunch of everyone. I have had a giant personality disconnect happening for the last week, and unless I reconcile myself to saying some rude-ass shit to people I may have to take a break from everyone.

Oh, and if I saw/talked to you last night, this naturally doesn’t apply to you. You I love. You’re awesome. It’s the others, precious.

SOTD = The Weepies “Wish I Could Forget” (listen at last.fm)

Do you disapprove?
Alright you’ve made your point
You don’t have to choose right now
I don’t have the time to step into that joint
No one wants to see my face there anyhow

Monday come like Tuesday
You were something else I will admit
I remember what you told me
I only wish I could forget
I only wish I could forget

Standing in the sun
Smoking quiet cigarettes
Just before I let you down
Funny how a heart shatters all at once
Seems like it should make a sound

Monday come like Tuesday
You were something else I will admit
I remember what you told me
I only wish I could forget
I only wish I could forget

Too much to ask
Just one kiss
You’ll never know
What I’m gonna miss
Yes I’m getting old
Wandering this way
Wondering what’s wrong and right
Try to move along but the traffic holds you still
Or did I lose the will to fight?

Monday come like Tuesday
You were something else I will admit
I remember what you told me
I only wish I could forget
I only wish I could forget