Laundry Woes
OK, so I have been thinking lately that my whites weren’t as bright as they should be. Because that’s the kind of thing you think about when your life is made of 1/3 FAIL, 1/3 stultifying boredom and 1/3 OCD. And I want my whites to be nice and bright so I can use my massive brain power to ponder other things, so I decided to try a different detergent, convinced that my Tide Pure Essentials With Baking Soda and White Lilac wasn’t cutting it.
I got this Arm & Hammer with OxiClean! stuff, thinking that sounds, like, extra cleantastic. Arm & Hammer, we like that, that’s good stuff, that’s baking soda. We like their toothpaste to clean our teeth, so their detergent to clean our clothes must also be nice, right? And Oxiclean has those commercials, so that must work well, right?
NO!
By the power of all that is holy, NO!
I washed my darks in the regular Tide this week and my whites in the Arm & Hammer shit.
Let me let you in on a little-known secret. This Arm & Hammer with OxiClean! smells extremely offensive. More than just “Hrm, that’s not as nice as I would want.” It’s OFFENDING MY ACTUAL NOSTRILS REALLY BADLY.
I kept thinking that the smell on the clothes couldn’t be half as bad as the smell of the actual substance, but I can assure you that it is!
Today the only thing I am wearing that was washed in this treacherous, nose-hair-singing morass of chemical stew is my bra, and just having the bra on, under my clothes, has been enough to aggravate me all day long. It stinks so bad that I think it is psychosomatically giving me a rash. Last night I was going to put the white sheets on that I had just washed in this mess, but already I was thinking “What is up with the stink, for serious?” and I put on some sheets that I had in the closet instead. Thank all that is holy that I did so, because if I had to sleep next to this INFERNAL, UNGODLY, DISGUSTING, NAUSEATING STINK I think I would really die of the odor. To death. By the stench. I can’t even describe what it smells like. I think what most closely describes it is if you took all the chemicals in your high school science lab and mixed them up in a large beaker of water and put them on a hot plate with on old sweat sock sticking out of it and left it for about 17 hours, until it was a boiled down stew and then you blew that up with a car battery, Arm& Hammer detergent with OxiClean! is about the smell you might get.
In short, this stuff smells VERY VERY BAD. I am not joking, it’s gross. I would rather have some seriously dingy whites than smell so patently offensive. Better to launder your delicate lacy unmentionables in the Bog of Eternal Stench than even contemplate purchasing this horrific, stinking stuff. Now I am going to throw all my whites back in the hamper to be rewashed, and throw this bottle of crap in the dumpster. Barf.
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Seriously, it ought to come with a warning label or something. “Please do not use unless you are hard of smell.”
I’ve used the powdered Oxi-clean before, too. I don’t think it stank, so it must be the A&H part, or the combination. I like Borax better than Oxi-clean, anyway. Cheap is my friend. But yeah, stick with the Tide. Tide is safe and will never stink you out.