Whatever it is, it’s impending

January 20th, 2009

One of the main reasons I have a blog is so I can keep track of all those things that seem so intensely important on any given day, but then rapidly slip away into the cavernous past, never to be thought of again. Because those things are shaping me, in ways I don’t realize and won’t remember.

I know that the things that happen to me, combined with how I react to them, make me who I am, and that refusing to examine them imperils my (admittedly already anemic) growth as a person.

However looking at the past me – the one who doesn’t know what’s coming me – is sometimes sad and scary. This time last year I had doom barreling down on me like a freight train. A world of hurt and misery and despair. And I was just bumbling along, miserably oblivious to it.

I know that we’re not allowed to know what’s going to happen because if we knew the future we’d probably all just give up and stay drunk 24/7. But reading back on the musings of that person who couldn’t sense serious bad getting ready to happen—it makes me terrified of what else is coming my way that I can’t see. I have no idea what I am counting down to right now. What I will look back on later and think “Oh wow – that was only three days before… three weeks before… a month before…”

I don’t want anything else to happen. I don’t want tomorrow. I want to go sleep in the closet with a baseball bat and a book of spells and wallop anyone who comes near me.

Somewhere there’s sun
and you don’t need a reason.

- The Weepies, Little Bird

Filed under: anti-socialism, introversion, personal ramblings | Comments (3)

3 Responses to “Whatever it is, it’s impending”

Heidi on January 20, 2009 6:32 pm
I feel your pain, hon. *hugs* If I had known what 2008 would be like, I think I would have stayed in 2007. I’m hoping I don’t say the same about 2009, because really, I can’t think of much worse than 2008. And I prefer it that way. LOL.
SuperBadGirl on January 20, 2009 11:22 pm
I am serious that we’re going to run away to some remote island, you and me and Jeni. Or maybe not Jeni because she’s getting married so that is supposedly going to make her 2009 all loverly and shit. But 2009 is on notice that it had better shape the fuck up, or else.
Heidi on January 21, 2009 12:51 am
Remote island sounds pretty damned good.

I find the idea of getting married to be completely incompatible with the idea of having a great year. Fortunately, it’s Jeni getting married, and not me. So there is still some hope for my year.