Antisocial Networking
People baffle me. Particularly the way that they use social media/networking, and how they conflate the various sections of their lives online. Don’t get it, can’t understand it, possibly never will. I suppose I can be considered as keeping kosher with my personality – the different areas of the life I lead (work, family, friends) must be kept from touching and mingling with the other parts, on pain of my feeling nauseated,vaguely sinful and ashamed.
I don’t want to go out for dinner and drinks with my colleagues. I don’t want to run into my employees while out at the bar. I don’t want my family to meet my friends, I don’t want my online friends to know my offline friends. No political and religious conversations with my coworkers. No family at work, no coworkers in my online social network – no crossover is what we aim for.
That’s why Facebook befuddles me so hard. All of you people using your real name and real picture and posting links and comments on each other’s walls whilst joyfully commingling the dairy and meat of your social circles… just eww!
For one thing, that content is never going to go away – so how can you possibly be yourself? The real me and the work me and the casual friend me and the good friend me aren’t the same me! I don’t talk about the same things and in the same way to any of those audiences. And I really don’t want future employers (or my mother) finding my online crazy foulmouthed ramblings. And if you think Facebook’s privacy/security is actually secure – well you’re wrong. They’re in the business of monetizing your personal data. Hackers and employees’ lost laptops aside, that vast stash of raw data they’ve accumulated is going to be mined. Believe it.
Nonetheless, I am not immune to the pleasures of finding old HS friends online and laughing about how you always hated them, and how dumb their family photos are. I have old colleagues I’d like to stay in touch with, but not share my intimate life with. I am interested in a purely voyeuristic way in linking up with old college buddies to see what they’re doing now. So for that you have to use your real identity, so they can find you and spill all their crazy at your feet.
But I also want to interact authentically with my actual monkeysphere. And to do that I can’t be the “real” me, because all the old colleagues and HS idiots and college buddies are not privy to the real me. Eyeballs off.
So it’s a conundrum, sort of. Which I’ve solved this way:
If I’ve ever worked with or for you, or gone to school with you (HS or college) – if you’re my sorority sister or someone I met at a seminar, you’re friended under my real name acct. and chances are you have no idea who superBadGirl is. (which means you’re not reading this, so fuck off anyway.)
If I’ve ever gotten drunk with you and/or sent you filthy text messages, if I met you online, if we talk/chat on a regular basis, if I’ve ever cried on your shoulder, or made you look at LOLcats, you’re connected to my superBadGirl account.
They’re both real, they’re just two halves of the whole real. Of course, some of you poor saps know both halves of me, and I had to choose one for you. So if I had you connected under my real name and unfriended you today, it’s because I have you on my other account, and those two cannot commingle without me having to call a rabbi.
The rest of you, who mash everything up together into a big old squishy life-burrito and then happily munch it all down… just eww. It makes my brain itch just thinking about it! Don’t come crying to me when those pole-dancing photos of yours come up in your job interview 10 years from now.
Filed under: anti-socialism, friends o' mine, introversion | Comments (9)9 Responses to “Antisocial Networking”
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(Anyway, I just roped you in with that kosher analogy, didn’t I?)
That being said, I’m not connected to any of my current co-workers online because it’s just not that sort of an environment, and my twitter is set private.
I felt a little uneasy when my dad, sister and girlfriend sent me friend requests – kind of a collision of worlds (work and home) that I generally keep separate.
You already know I have a secret Facebook account – maybe I’ll change the name to Dim Reaper (or one of my other, lesser-used online personas) just to have somewhere that I can be more myself.
What it boils down to is that we are complex people, and one persona is not enough!
As far as people finding you and making your life hell – yeah. A determined person can do that no matter the precautions you take.
@Dim Yes, yes. “Complex” is what we are, not secretive antisocial paranoid misanthropes. Complex. Makes sense to me!
I’ve only recently been using my real name and photo in online networking. Mostly because, well, people find me anyway. I’ve gone through great pains to keep my “other me” private…odd, since it’s not hard to find me, in any incarnation.
You guys have Facebook accounts? Wow, you’ve all totally outsocialed me. (Yeah, it was wicked easy. I know.)
I’ve only got one me. And I barely have enough energy for that. If I had more than one me, I’d end up like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire, wearing the wig to the work meeting. Fortunately, I only have a limited number of people I bother to talk to, so that’s all good.
Also, I’ve now caught up with all your posts I’ve missed whilst isolating. Yay no broken foot! Gentle, non-threatening belly rubs for Chelsea. And hugs for you. :-)