I hurt on my everywhere
Not that I want my vacation to be over, but I seriously want Monday to get here so I can go to the doctor. I am in so much pain right now, it’s awkward to be awake, much less moving around. There’s not a lot I can do comfortably between now and then, other than sit and kvetch. And on Monday I will either find out that I am outrageously hardass for walking around on a broken foot for six days, or an incredible whiner with nothing wrong with me at all. Although I think that last one is possibly too good to be true.
Right now not only is my foot painful to walk on, but walking weirdly to compensate for that pain has thrown my back into some kind of spasms, and my right hip is maybe made out of broken glass now, I can’t really tell. And still, I am so pissed off at life that I refuse to accept that there’s anything wrong with me. I haven’t stopped going out, and I absolutely refuse to stay huddled up here in the house. I knew I was good at partitioning, but rarely have I been able to achieve this level of knowing something and refusing to know it at the same time. When and if he tells me that I have to be back in a cast or boot for another 10 weeks, I get a feeling like I might disagree with him, though I don’t know what good that would do me exactly. I don’t know that it’s possible to reason oneself out of an injury, though I would sure like to give it a good try.
Also, I have a strong urge to yell at the doctor when I do see him, no matter the outcome of the x-rays, because he told me this shit was fine. He told me I could return to normal, strenuous activity six months ago, ffs. But he didn’t think to say that strenuous activity didn’t include stepping on uneven surfaces or, by the way, careful there because your particular brand of fracture has a 63% re-fracture rate. Might want to watch for that. Nor (in the case this thing isn’t broken) did he prepare me for the fact that it could possibly be this painful to step on something, this far down the road. At no point in my exit interview with him did he mention “Oh, and you’re going to be insanely tender for the next foreseeable stretch of time, so don’t fret when you’re in agony, that’s all normal.” It’s just another things that I hate about doctors, the fact that they never mention anything unless you specifically ask, and how often do patients know what to ask? But in either case (likely-re fracture or exceptional sensitivity) he should have mentioned that shit. Doctors are so cavalier because they see this kind of thing all day every day, and they don’t take into account that for each of their patients it’s always an entirely novel and frightening experience.
Doctors – the same assholish, blase, know-it-all attitude as IT people, but with the ability to fuck up your life much worse by not conveying the proper information.
Oh, and by the way, my Mom’s doing fine, she’s sleeping better now and has calmed down. Because that’s top on my worry list, making sure she’s fine w/my injury.
What, me, angry?
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