Water Heater Saga, Part #Whine

December 3rd, 2008

The guy came again to fix the water heater. Well, a guy came. Not the same guy. After a week with no hot water I had to get this shit fixed, but I couldn’t have another day out of the office to wait for the repair people.

So my parents came out here. No wait, first they went to UPS at 7:30 a.m. to pick up the spare part, then they came out here and waited at my house from 8-3:30 for the guy to actually come, just so I wouldn’t have to miss work. I am so suffused with guilt at that that I kind of want to vomit up part of my brain. Of course the guilt is combined with loving them and a sort of horrified gratitude for their doing something so tedious in order to help me.

When have I ever been able to accept help gracefully?

Never, that’s when.

Heater was fixed and running when the guy left, then my parents stayed around for about 45 minutes after I got home from work to make sure it kept running. Since then I haven’t checked it. I am so sick of that thing that I just can’t bring myself to care about it anymore.

Because I was anxious and upset and guilty about my parents, I had an anxious and upset day. Work was the same level of nonsensical bullshit as ever, but I hadn’t any sanity reserve with which to tolerate it today, so I had a minor freak out. And now I am depressed and don’t know what to do with myself. Everything I look at is freaking me out, everything I think about is upsetting me. I should just go take some tranquilizers and forget about it.

I should be happy and satisfied and grateful. I should feel blessed and lucky and content. Instead I want to rip off my skin and throw it in the backyard, just to rid myself of whatever it is about me that makes me feel this way.

I just think I am the wrong sort of person. I got beamed down into the wrong world, at the wrong time, and nothing is ever going to fit.

Tranquilizers ho.

Mood : fuck me, is this a mood? Music : Crystal Method - Name of the Game

Filed under: family madness, housing drama | Comments (3)

3 Responses to “Water Heater Saga, Part #Whine”

Dim Reaper on December 4, 2008 11:39 am
Re the parents thing – look at it from their point of view. they were probably happy to wait in for the repair guy because they get to do something for you. For the vast majority of people, most parents never stop being parents no matter how old their children are.

Since from what I know of you, you’re probably too stubborn to ask for their help on most things, they are in all likelyhood glad that you asked them for something.

My mother offers every so often to come over when I’m at work and clean the whole apartment for me to save me the trouble of doing it. So she’d come over, and not only apend a few hours cleaning, but also pay for her own travel costs. I won’t let her do it, and always make sure the place looks clean when they come over, but parents are like that – if you don’t ask all the time then they are happy to help you out now and again.

Work is always nonsensical bullshit for everyone I know and most importantly – you have HOT WATER!
Dim Reaper on December 4, 2008 11:41 am
For some reason, WordPress keeps putting your comments on my blog in the spam queue. I have no idea why, and so no idea how to stop it. Be assured that I do always fish them out and dry them off though.
SuperBadGirl on December 4, 2008 10:29 pm
You know, I totally get what you’re saying. And that’s what they say. I don’t know why it makes me so nuts. Well, I do know why. It’s because they love me too much, and it makes me feel like I have to be perfect in order to deserve it, and I cannot live up to all that. That’s why. But I don’t think I will ever get over the guilt that comes with it. Especially when they do other things that get on my nerves, and I feel bad that it gets on my nerves. It’s like I can’t allow myself to have complex feelings about them. Which is stupid. Families are complex.

And no worries about your blog comments, I figured it was something like that. Maybe spam filters think my name is pR0ny.