I’m so relieved to hear he’s feeling better! I will keep sending love to you and him. And even the girls. LOL.

And yes, vets too are prone to the doctor’s disease of A) presuming you’re a mouth-breathing moron B) presuming you’re going to be irrational and C) presuming you can’t understand the facts that are being given to you. I think vets have an extra component in that they also are hesitant to say “This is what you need to do.” because of the cost factor. They leave it way too much up to the owner, who subsequently feels as if they’re not getting good advice because everyone’s reluctant to speak clearly. I think the subtext to their communication is frequently “How much do you love this pet?” Which I understand because there are people who wouldn’t/couldn’t pay thousands of dollars to treat a pet. But if they want to ask me how far I am willing to go, ASK ME ALREADY. Don’t give me options that I don’t know are options.

Give me your expert opinion, tell me the chances, tell me the alternatives, give me the information I need to help me make up my mind. Tell me what you would do if it was YOUR pet, if it was YOUR child. Instead they just shilly-shally around, talking in circles, never saying anything definite, until I think my head is going to explode. Hello? I come to you because you’re the expert.

I don’t know. I find the human doctors do that too though. Half the time I feel like they’re trying to leave treatment decisions up to me. They want me to decide, without them even weighing in. “Well, we could do this… or would could do that… It could be X or it could be Y… I could increase your medication if you want????” ARGH. I mean, I DO have the presence of mind to both question and argue with you if you recommend something that I don’t understand or don’t think is correct, but we can’t start that process until you STATE YOUR OPINION.

In this case I feel like Vet #2 (the specialist Dr. Greer) is clearly the one with the better experience, better equipment and expert knowledge of how to cure Jake. She is also a very poor communicator, unable to argue or disagree with me, unable to state clearly and strongly if she thought I was making a bad decision. She then presumed that because I felt one way when one set of facts were presented to me, I would feel the same way when another set of facts were presented to me. Vet #1 (Dr. Gilbert) knew that she needed an expert opinion when she saw Jake, wasn’t afraid to ask for it, wasn’t afraid to tell me what she’d do if it was her pet, wasn’t afraid to tell me that I was making a bad decision (which I actually hadn’t, it was just that Vet 2 presumed I’d made a decision I’d never been told about.) and not afraid to tell me what the potential consequences of that would be. That makes Dr. Gilbert a better vet, no matter that she has less experience than Dr. Greer, because you have to communicate well, you have to advocate for what you think is right. And even though I was upset at the time that she thought I would ever purposefully withhold treatment from Jake, unless she had said to me “You can’t do this, you’re lessening his chances for survival.” I would NEVER HAVE KNOWN that I was withholding a recommended treatment. I would have thought (and I would have been correct in thinking) that I was doing everything the “expert” told me to.

Communication. It’s all there is. Seriously. When I hear people railing about how accurate spoken and written word, nuance, clarity and concise thought are unimportant, I want to smack them. Clear communication is all we have in the world.

Bah.

How did he do the rest of last night? And how is he this morning? If he seems ok, then at least he’s comfortable, even if it doesn’t indicate anything for the long term.

You know, the more I think about those doctors messing around with you, the more it makes me angry. I don’t know anyone who is more dedicated to their furbabies than you are. Refusing treatment indeed. Maybe if she freaking TOLD you about the treatment. Maybe I just expect too much from the veterinary profession. No, you’re not dealing with human children. But if somebody cares enough to bring their pet to the animal ER, it’s pretty obvious that it’s someone whose ability to love a family member is not limited by their species. If you didn’t love him and consider him a family member, you wouldn’t have bothered to bring him there in the first place.

Also, I feel like the guy who doesn’t like small dogs should maybe re-consider his career choice as a general practice veterinarian. Perhaps he could specialize in equine medicine? They’re big. Maybe not, though. Horses would probably kick him in the head for being an asstard.

At the moment Bruiser has stolen Jake’s bone and is making him watch while she eats it.

He’s taken all his meds for the day, and seems to be doing OK. Thanks for the kinds thoughts, and please keep sending them. Hopefully the most expensive part is behind me, but I would mortgage my soul if I thought it would get him healthy.

I would also hit up Grandma and Grandpa, which is probably going to be easier cash than finding someone who’s looking for a soul like mine, anyhow.

I’m so glad you have been able to afford his treatment. I’m wishing lots of extra money your way in case he needs anything else.

How are the little ladies handling this? Are they worried about him? Do they seem to understand what’s going on with him at all?

I think the worst thing was having to leave him in that place overnight. I somehow feel that as long as he’s physically with me I can keep him safe by sheer force of will, you know? Once he’s out of my sight there’s no one keeping him safe, but when he’s with me he’s OK. Nonsensical, but according to my Mom it’s the way she felt about me and my brother, so I guess it’s common.

The good news is, he’s acting totally fine. The bad news is that apparently doesn’t mean anything.

You said something in your last entry that was very astute: all the worrying and fretting doesn’t make you any more prepared to deal with disaster. Don’t hold your breath, don’t try and protect yourself from more pain. You can’t. Be present with Jake, every moment you can remember to do so. Let the fear go for a while, and just love him. You can’t go wrong doing that, no matter what happens.

And I am sending many good karmic thoughts your way, and hugging all my own critters & kid.