I think I have a negative Lifescore today

Talk about a wasted, do-nothing day. I got up this morning and was headed out the door to work when a violent wave of not-feeling-well hit me. I thought it might be just a Monday thing, but I gave it a few minutes and it was definitely not in my head. So I e-mailed in sick. I didn’t want to just go to bed though, sometimes that makes me feel worse. So I sat down on the couch and put in the Two Towers Special Extended Platinum Director’s Cut Deleted Scenes Extra Stuff Box of White Rice and the Kitchen Sink version. And I watched it all. And then I had some lunch, and let the dogs out, and re-potted a plant. And then I came in and put in Return of the King Special Extended Platinum Director’s Cut Deleted Scenes Extra Stuff Box of White Rice and the Kitchen Sink version. And I watched all that too. And now I have that horrible, logey feeling you get when you do nothing but watch movies for 6 hours straight.

In the meantime I called my doctor, my internist. My gyno wants me to have a procedure done that I think is unnecessary. In fact, I think she’s a procedure-happy hot mess, actually. I think part of the reason she wants to do this procedure on me is so that she doesn’t have to prescribe me pain meds, if you can believe that. She actually said “Well, I’ve never operated on you, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable prescribing any pain medications.” What the fuck? So I should let her operate on me, causing fresh pain, to get medicine in order to releive the pain I already have? When she doesn’t even know what’s causing that?

So I called my internist to see if any of my other conditions might be affecting me in the way I am experiencing, and she basically said exactly the same thing as my gyno, except she also said a couple other stupid things that led me to understand that she has absolutely no concept of what’s going on with my health, and has a fundamental misunderstanding about a few things that are important to me, medically. So she just wants me to go have an invasive medical procedure too, just to “rule some things out.” Well, excuse me if I am not jumping aboard the medical procedures to rule things out train, since I remember very clearly what happened to me last time she wanted to rule things out.If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last year, it’s that I know damn good and well when something’s not right with me. And I am not going to go through an expensive, exploratory, invasive medical procedure just because my doctors won’t listen and won’t prescribe me pain meds.

This is combined with the fact that I just found out that my endocrinologist has left his practice, and now I have a new one. Who knows what she will be like. I am so out of faith with doctors, I am sick of all their bullshit pandering and acting like I am retarded when, if I hadn’t kept pushing them this year, they would have just kept telling me that my issues were all in my head. Since my subsequent diagnoses, I really want to say “Hey fuckwits, I told you so!” to someone, but I don’t think that would improve my general standard of care at all.

Anyway, I feel logey, achy and gross, even though it’s lovely out. I think I am going to go lay down and read a book. I would try outside, but the mosquitoes are sure to be terrible, and that giant spider really freaked me out. I just keep thinking that if there was one like that, there have to be more. Ick. (It’s apparently a St. Andrew’s Cross Spider and has “low venom toxicity.” Whatever.)