Fun. It’s a Funny Thing.
So what’s weird is that if I go out and stay sober, I will too-often have a rotten time, hate everyone and feel like stabbing somebody for most of the night. That’s no fun for myself or my compatriots. I will wake up the next day and grouse to myself & others in great detail about how not-fun the evening was, and how everyone was a tool.
Conversely, if I take some Lorazepam and have some drinks, I usually have a great time, laugh and chat with my friends, no one irritates me, it’s all good. However I remember pretty much nothing about the evening the next day other than “hey, that was fun.”
But a Saturday morning when I wake up relaxed with a vague memory of fun-having is way nicer than a Saturday morning when I wake up with a crystal-clear memory of how much I hated everyone and wanted to smash their faces in with broken beer bottles.
Is that why people drink? From what MyTodd™ tells me, my reaction to alcohol isn’t necessarily the same as other people’s reactions. And the alcohol alone won’t do it, that just makes me paranoid. And the anti-anxiety meds alone won’t do it either. That just makes me hate everyone in a really relaxed and detached way. It has to be combo anti-anxiety drugs PLUS alcohol. So I am not sure, and I have some vague pangs of conscience regarding “having to drink to have a good time.” Although it’s not so much that I can’t have a good time sober (I do that frequently) it’s just that I can’t have a good time in a large group of drunken strangers, sober. I mean, I think I actually called that douchebag friend-of-Backstreet “overuses the word ‘fuck’ to an almost criminal extent” guy one of my favorite people last night. That’s when I am feeling some nonsensical love toward humanity, and a degree of non-hatred of fucktards that is rarely experienced sober. But I don’t know that drinking and drugging to be able to stand other people is the norm.
Whatever, it was fun last night, from what I remember.
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Otherwise, I’m glad you had fun. You deserve it.
What’s funny is that the bartender at this bar is not only a great bartender, but an all-around great guy. And at one point in the evening I picked my glass up and found I was drinking club soda instead of alcohol. I looked over at him and he said something like “Who looks out for you, baby?” with a wink. That’s one of the reasons I’ve fallen so in love with hanging out there, like Todd and most of his friends.
And yes, I know there’s no shame in not wanting to hang around with teeming throngs of random drunks. (You’re definitely not going to find me hanging out at the ballpark, or some outdoor music festival.) Really, for the last 10 years I haven’t even given myself grief about my naturally introverted/misanthropic tendencies. My social needs were minimal, I fulfilled them adequately with little to no effort. However within the last year or so it’s become clear to me that I really need to work on having a “normal” social life. One that involves other people, in real-time, in the analog world. And sometimes that consists of hanging out at the bar, because that’s where my friends hang out.
Truth be told, it’s funner than I thought it would be. I like the people-watching, I’ve met lots of nice people, I’ve gotten closer to some people who I only ever saw once or twice a year at Todd’s parties. It’s mostly good. It’s just that I need to practice more, and expand my comfort zone. Not that I am ever going to turn into a barfly, but being able to successfully navigate my way in whatever social waters I find myself; (even with a bunch of random drunks when necessary) that’s a beneficial life skill to acquire.
I just heard, “I have to drug myself to do this thing that’s supposed to be fun,” and I go, “Uh….ok that doesn’t sound right.” But now I get what you’re saying. And I have no idea where I’d hang out in this town if I could get away at nights, so you’re certainly way ahead of me there.
Hopefully that will be somewhat lessened once I get my department fully staffed and some other changes occur. Fingers crossed!