What It’s Like for a Girl, Pt. 1 Billion
I am really angry today. The more the day goes on, the angrier I get.
I sometimes think that it’s more comfortable to be depressed and disconnected from the world. Because when I really start to feel better and engage in life I somehow always end up tapping into that big fat vein of furious, righteous anger inside me. And when that happens I don’t know where to go with it, unless carrying around a baseball bat and beating the shit out of everyone who needs it has suddenly become legal.
I get so fed up with being a girl in this world. And the operative part of that statement isn’t “being a girl.” It’s this fucked up way we live in this fucked-up society where tons of bad shit is done to women every single day and we’re expected to put up with it. (And then when we do put up with it we’re labeled “passive.” But that’s a topic for another day.) The way that I’ve been treated by men has affected my relationship with the world. Period. I don’t know who I might be, or what I might do if the constant threat of physical violence from men didn’t color my existence. And it might be marginally better if the guys I know didn’t tell me I was “hysterical” or “overreacting” when I did try to talk about how women feel.
One of the links below is a post in which women are asked to recount the sexist, degrading things that men have done to them in their lifetimes, and it’s a chilling read. Not that anything in there is unfamiliar to me, since most of those things have happened to me too. Just that it’s so pervasive, and we’re told to laugh it off, consider it a compliment, ignore it, expect it because of how we’re dressed/what we look like/how loudly we laugh, etc. You cannot exist as a female in this society and escape the threat of male (sexual and non-sexual) violence. You just can’t.
I think this quote from that thread sums it up most perfectly. The commenter attributed it to Margaret Atwood, so I am going to assume it’s hers:
“Why are you afraid of women? I asked a group of men.
“We’re afraid they’ll laugh at us,” replied the men.
“Why are you afraid of men” I asked a group of women
“We’re afraid they’ll kill us,” replied the women.
So read the links below, and try to imagine what it feels like for a girl. And stop telling us that we don’t know what we know, and don’t feel what we feel.
How not to be an asshole: a guide for men at Pandagon
If no woman in your life has ever talked to you about how she lives her life with an undercurrent of fear of men, consider the possibility that it may be because she sees you as one of those men she cannot really trust.
Men who explain things - Los Angeles Times
Billions of women are out there on this 6-billion-person planet being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives, that the truth is not their property, now or ever.
Turn that douchehound upside down « Kate Harding’s Shapely Prose
Filed under: anti-socialism, women's issues |…this comment reminded me of the sad fact that many men simply do not believe women’s life experiences. They have no idea what many of us are subject to, because those things tend not to happen when there are men with us. Some men conclude that therefore shit must not really go down the way women says it does, because otherwise wouldn’t they see it with their big manly eyes?…
So. Hands up if a man has “said something cruel or sexist about your appearance.” Hands up if you’ve witnessed a man saying something cruel or sexist about another woman’s appearance. Hands up if you know a man like Richard who thinks he’s so bloody different from all those other men. Hands up if you’re goddamn sick and tired of being told that if you notice sexism, you’re the sexist. And hands up, male readers, if you have ever been or known that man.
4 Responses to “What It’s Like for a Girl, Pt. 1 Billion”
Leave a Reply
I wish I knew what to do about it.
Do you keep climbing out, and anticipate that kicks just come with the territory? Or do you fall back down to where it’s cold and dark, but no one’s kicking you? (or at least you don’t feel it when they do.)
The whole thing about men telling you “you’re thinking about it the wrong way”, presuming to inform you how you feel- it’s because it makes it easier for us. We have a good thing going, and when something like this is highlighted, two possible realities present themselves. The first is that you, the female, are being hysterical, overreacting, lack a sense of humor, etc. This is a wonderful thing for us men- not only are we not guilty of anything, but we are suddenly -noble-, we are mature, we are helpful by patiently explaining to the error of your thoughs. Aren’t you grateful? We barely lift a finger, and we’re beyond innocent, we’re actually heroes.
The alternative, where we acknowledge that we are responsible for a world where 50% of its inhabitants must live with the knowledge that they live, die, and screw at the whim of the other 50%- well, not only does that suddenly cast us as participants in a large-scale travesty, but it means that in order to be the good guys we’ll have to actually do some, you know, -work-.
So given the choice between two worldviews, most of us take the lazy, self-deluding road, and over time, it gets to be habit. Say something loud and often enough to ourselves, and it becomes truth.
I’ve been guilty of the former. I realize the latter now, and try not to be Part Of The Problem. It’s not much, but it’s something.
That makes sense, what you wrote. A lot of sense, actually. Given the choice to feel bad about themselves or feel good about themselves, I guess most guys would pick the version where we’re nuts and they’re logical.
I must ponder this.