You can take a break from it, but it’s still gonna be there when you return
I’ve been avoiding any kind of dating sites for a few months now. I’ve had neither the energy nor the interest required to deal with that kind of nonsense. But I got this email that was all “People have been checking you out! Log in or we’re all going to hold our breath UNTIL WE DIE!” and I don’t really feel like working this afternoon, so I logged in.
First of all, I know darn good and well that you get a little “this person hasn’t logged in since such-and-such” message on these profiles, so people who are messaging me when I haven’t been online in months are particularly non-observant. The quantity of the messages was surprising, but the quality was refreshingly consistent, with such gems as: (bolding mine)
I would like to become a very close personal friend and companion with you. I am seeking sexual encounters with good looking affectionate female. You do look wonderful. I seek NO strings attached, or also some strings attached, which ever you prefer.
That’s clear enough then, thanks.
Then there are my favorite, blanket emailers who have never read ANYONE’s profile.
i love to play golf,camping,writing and watch sporting games and a whole lot other things to make me busy and don’t lonely.
That’s good, because one of MY favorite things to be is “don’t lonely” too! I am always don’t lonely when I am playing golf while camping!
Then we have a mix of guys who are
- married
- 10-15 years younger than me
- unemployed
- Wanting me to be their polyamorous love-slave
- Dutch guys who want to strike up an international romance/get a green card
- Guys who are coming into town at some point in the near to middlin’ future and want to “get together”
Usually they’re even a mix of the above. Like a 21 year old unemployed polyamorous motherfucker who rides a Harley and wants to engage me in some no-strings group sex. Ugh.
Anyway, there’s nothing new under the sun, and nothing of interest either.
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“I seek NO strings attached, or also some strings attached, which ever you prefer”
TRANSLATION: I’m desperate and will engage in any type of relationship you are willing to throw my way as long as you shag me. Please! Pretty please!
Maybe the guy doesn’t realise how he’s sending out subliminal signals like this that are putting women off and stopping them from replying to him?
BTW I think that number one on that list would be “Having really long scraggly hair in the back does NOT make it less obvious that you are totally bald on top.”
Fortunately I still have a full head of hair. I did have it shaved very short a few years back, but have it shaved about 1/4 inch longer now since my girlfriend thinks it makes me look like a common street thug. Anyway, my plan for when I do start going bald is to shave off all the hair I have remaining, then get light stubble tatooed onto my head in the bald parts, thus making it look like I am shaving my head to be intentionally bald!
However, as you’ve probably surmised, I also have terrible judgment.
Obviously I don’t HAVE to do as I’m asked, and I will allow no one to tell me what to do…it was completely my own decision to keep my hair slightly longer. *Whistles innocently and avoids eye contact*