No Big Deal.
I haven’t been keeping up with Something Awful lately because for a while everything there was pissing me off. But to be honest, everything everywhere has been pissing me off lately (read:since January) and I can bravely admit that I am just one big, stinking, festering pile of pissed-off asshole. So anyway. I am eating lunch at my desk today because, like any self-respecting American, I give little to no thought to my mental or physical health and a lot of thought to getting my work done and avoiding my coworkers. I was browsing around and found this article which (if it weren’t for them apparently having some kind of moratorium on women writers there) I would swear a girl had to have written. Maybe just some guy who observes other guys a lot did it, I dunno. Whatever. Now I am pissed off again. Anyway go read this because it made me laugh and because you value my judgement regarding funny stuff.
So, married? Boyfriend? Kids? Whats the story? No, not like that, just getting to know you. Oh, married? Yeah, thats great. I cant say I envy you, though. I was married for a while, but thats over. No kids, though.
Oh Yeah, no, Ive got the one kid. Great kid. Hes gonna be smart, like his dad. Im a great dad, never missed a birthday. I spoil that kid rotten on his birthdays. Power Wheels, Nintendo, plasma TV, all that stuff. My ex is like “youre buying him too much stuff, hes too young, he doesnt need all this stuff,” but Im like, dont tell me what your kid needs. For instance, this year I bought him this great little .22 rifle, and his mom throws a hissy fit. Shes like “hes only three, hes gonna kill someone with this thing,” but Im like, listen, the kids gotta be, pardon my French, but the kids gotta be a fucking deadeye to kill someone with a little .22. This year I was gonna get him a crossbow, lets see him kill someone with that. I bet he cant even pull the string back.
Leave a Reply
