CEO Bullshit Speak – Untranslated/Translated.

May 2nd, 2008

“Fiscal 2008 is a transitional year for Starbucks and, while our financial results are clearly being impacted by reduced frequency to our U.S. stores, we believe that as we continue to execute on the initiatives generated by our transformation agenda, we will reinvigorate the Starbucks Experience for our customers,” Howard Schultz, who is chairman, president and chief executive, said in a statement.

Translation:

Ain’t nobody got no money for $6 cuppa coffee no mo’. Where da fuck my golden parachute at? I be bailing up outta dis motherfucker, quick-like.

Alternate theory: Could be that the recent resurgence of this old logo has scared their customers away. Nothing like a mermaid brandishing her splayed tails at you to turn you off your coffee/tea. I mean, ewwwww. I just can’t decide if they had laLohan or BSpears as their model for this crotch shot.

Mood : meh Music : 2 Unlimited - No Limit Tv : The Daily Show - I love John Hodgman.

Filed under: corporate malfeasance, marketing mayhem | Comments (4)

4 Responses to “CEO Bullshit Speak – Untranslated/Translated.”

jenipants on May 5, 2008 1:34 am
I’ll confess. That’s really one of the many semi-porn photo shoots I did when I was 18 and brok’d. I’m so ashamed *sob*
SuperBadGirl on May 5, 2008 6:07 am
I always heard you gave good tail. /nod
Heidi on May 5, 2008 11:22 pm
That was the longest sentence ever. I’m just sure.

Jeni, I hope you got some cream for those scales.
SuperBadGirl on May 6, 2008 6:20 am
You’re right – that’s one hell of a sentence.