Holy Crow – Top 100 Fundamentalist Christian Chatroom Statements
There were way too many to choose a favorite to quote here, but I did so enjoy this one.
How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys heres a few questions for people who beleive that
1.If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys
2.Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them
3.do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years
4.how come we cant speak monkey
Just for a fact ape like creatures are monkeys Just in case certain people get on this thread
coolstylinstud, Christian Forums [Comments (126)] [2005-Jul-03]
But then again I really loved this one too:
Filed under: religion sucks | Comments (13)No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest “cover” of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.
Trinidad and Tobago, CARM [Comments (260)] [2006-Oct-01]
13 Responses to “Holy Crow – Top 100 Fundamentalist Christian Chatroom Statements”
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The one that gets my vote as most moronic, ignorant statement though is #1: If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys
Just makes me feel justified for the evil thoughts in my head when I walk around a crowded shopping centre, generally along the lines of, “Insects! Look at them, with their puny, pathetic intellects, rushing around talking crap, filling up the planet and using up all our oxygen.” Ahem *Cough*, I mean there are a lot of irritating people about. *Rushes off for a lie down and more of the ‘special’ pills*
Overall, yeah though. Even I won’t go so far as to claim that all Christians believe/speak this way. But the fact that quite a few of them do (seriously, the anti-intellectualism crusades here in the heartland are not to be underestimated) scares the shit out of me. You know, these are people I deal with on a day-to-day basis. Granted, if I stay out of the Taco Bell drive-thru I can minimize that, but still.
These people vote. They write (poorly spelled and badly-reasoned) letters to the editor, they serve on the PTA of the local school. The amount of people who feel this way:
But don’t say it, is much larger than I am comfortable with.
“I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don’t think he’s ready to date yet. What’s worse is that he’s sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!”
Yes. There’s a girl that he’s sneaking in. There HAS TO BE.
I just want to walk around with a t.shirt that says “You fucktards aren’t allowed to worship my God anymore”. This list just concretes that fact for me.
“I think there are a lot more cases of people being agnostic or atheistic, but then getting off drugs in order to become Christians. I don’t know any Christians who actually do drugs. That to me seems like more of an escape from reality that non-religious folk tend to get into.
It would take a lot of drugs to convince me that I could know anything about myself and the world by being an atheist. It would also take a lot of drugs to convince me, if I were an atheist, that morality had more meaning than the indigestion I felt when I drank bad water in Mexico.”
What the FUCK???? “I don’t know any Christians who actually do drugs.” Walk into an Evangelical convention, and TELL me that you can’t get a contact buzz from all the goddamn cocaine. Jesus Fucking Christ.
Ok, that one’s seriously the BEST.
Really.
I have so much t-shirt fodder!!!!
Ok, how about this one?
“Just imagine vast fields of our sisters in Christ — sisters brain damaged and comatosed, never to mentally return to this Earth full of sin — inserted into pods that are themselves connected to a myriad of wires and hydraulic tubes (I know, it sounds exactly like the Matrix, and I freely admit, although it’s certainly a very evil movie, some of the imagery is inspiring and inspired this post). The pods will be the most comfortable places on Earth, playing soothing music like Bible hymns and Mozart, their insides like a massage chair and covered in silk. A few intruding wires and tubes will, of course, have to connect to the women inside the pods to monitor their temperature and overall health, as well as the babies’ of those that are pregnant. And of course there will be one tube reserved for the insertion of a man’s seed whenever the women are at their most fertile. And only the best semen will be used. I haven’t quite settled on a selection process yet, but I’m thinking some sort of Christian council could perhaps vote on the man who is honorable and moral enough to breed generations of these children. Perhaps one man won’t be enough, for a little bit of diversity is always good. We should, therefore, most likely have a multitude of different men, one of each race. When the children are born, they can be sent off to special adoption centers, where they can be delivered to good Christian parents who are unable to themselves breed. Those that may be left over can be raised in God, brought up in Christian schools, where prayers are said thrice daily (at least), and in the summer, they can be sent to Jesus camp. If the schools are as good as I envision, then these children will make the perfect leaders for our future. But not just leaders, for if this idea is near as good as I am thinking, we will breed enough of these children to one day make up a huge percentage of our population, such that they can elect only the most Christian of people to the government. So even those that are not the brightest and best can contribute to God in some way.”
WTPF??!! Did anybody else hear Twilight Zone music?? There are a whole lot of posts on there about rounding up the members of whatever group they’re hating on at the time and sending them to an island. Maybe we should really be rounding up the Fundies and sending them to the island. “Have you taken your religion and run with it to the point of complete and total insanity? Yes? Welcome to The Island.”
I do have to say, though, that my heart broke for that poor boy who committed suicide because of his mom trying to make him not be gay anymore. :-( In fact, I feel terribly sorry for any gay person who is related to any of those freaks.
I love you Heidi, you match my righteous atheist anger so well.
Now, I am feeling poorly, I need to retire to my breeding pod for a rest.