I’m sorry I ever loved you!
Like anyone else who buys a lot of personal care products, sometimes I get a total clunker. Different reasons – maybe the color wasn’t right for me and I couldn’t tell from the packaging. Maybe the product really didn’t perform as advertised. Maybe (this is a big one) I was just in too much of a hurry and the packaging seduced me. Maybe I got suckered in by a good sale. Maybe I didn’t do my research and see what other people thought of the product.
Any of those situations can (and have) happened to me in the last year or so, so I thought I’d run down some of my personal product regrets, and the reasons why they didn’t work for me. Hopefully my experience will give you some food for thought when purchasing items for yourself.
The Naked 2 Palette ($52)
I jumped on the Naked hype a bit later than some (“Why do I want to spend that much money to look like I am not wearing shadow?”) But when I had seen enough people on YouTube using and rhapsodizing over their Naked and Naked 2 palettes the bug bit me hard. I spent some time deliberating 1 vs. 2 and then picked up 2 because I liked the case better, and it had cooler tones, which I thought I wanted.
Problem is – I never use it. Yeah, I guess some of the colors, well, even most of the colors, in it are pretty. They look great swatched on my arm. But when I sit down to do a look I have never been faced with such an uninspiring selection of blah in my whole life. The fact that it’s sparkle-blah makes it even worse somehow. Like – it’s clear that I was trying, but it did not work out for me.
Suspect, Pistol, Snakebite. You see how Suspect doesn’t even look like a color on me? It’s just sparkly skin? Every time I use these my face just looks like something went wrong in my day.
All I ever seem to create are non-looks that are ultra-bland, and yet somehow still noticeable because of the shimmer and shine. The colors don’t vary enough, tonally, and once applied they have a tendency to look extremely muddy and ill-defined on my lids. There are a few standout colors, Foxy (skin tone on me) and Tease (purpley-taupe-neutral very similar to Makeup Geek Unexpected) are good (and also matte, not a coincidence) Suspect is just a non-color on me, and Pistol, while beautiful, is just… muddy. That’s all I can say. These colors look muddy and badly defined on me, and I have read tutorial after tutorial, and watched countless videos and even followed a Pinterest board for “Naked 2″ and I STILL can’t make most of these colors work for me. Really sorry I spent this much money on a thing I don’t use. I will not buy any of the Naked brand products anymore, just because I don’t want to get burned again.
Bumble & Bumble A Tint of Brown Hair Powder ($36)
This product is a tinted dry shampoo, meant to give you volume in the roots and cover any gray that’s peeping through. I sometimes suffer from what I call “triangle head” which is when my freshly washed curly hair is lank at the roots and huge at the ends, so I thought this product would be a good solution. Ugh, no. Not only is it hideously expensive ($36! I can’t believe I paid that. Maybe I got a discount.) but it is disssssgusting. Gross! So awful! You spray it on and it gets everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Three days later I am still wondering “What’s that brown mess in my sink?” It gets all over your forehead, and yes, it does cover your roots with a flat, monochromatic shade of dead dull brown, but then you absolutely CANNOT touch your hair or head for any reason until you wash it out. It will get all over your hands, it will get all over your combs, it will get under your fingernails, it will get on your pillowcase and your significant other’s shoulder and your couch and maybe even your dog. It’s disgusting. And the effect never goes away. It doesn’t just transfer for the first ten minutes, it will transfer for the next 48 hours, if you can stand it that long.
The only application tip I have is to spray it into an old kabuki brush and then use the brush to apply it directly and only to the places you want – but honestly it’s not worth the bother. The only reason I don’t throw this crap away is the price I paid. I have to let it amortize in my bathroom closet for a year or so until I can part with it.
Stila Lip Glaze Trios
I bought two of these (cobalt and emerald) because they were on sale at Beauty Brands last year for $15/set. What the hell? They all look identical on me! Identically ugly! So sticky! So weirdly pigmented but the pigment looks like it’s trapped in a slime layer! I just don’t understand how they look so universally terrible. And now I’ve got lip gloss out the yazoo that I don’t want to toss, while I also don’t want to wear it because it looks and feels bad on me.
Plus I really don’t like the stupid clicky pen style of these at all. Turn, turn, not enough, turn turn, still nothing, turn turn, nothing, turn OH MY GOD IT ALL CAME OUT MAYDAY MAYDAY. No.
Here’s what happens when the click pen doesn’t work right – lid goop. Nobody wants lid goop.
Physician’s Formula Happy Glow and Mood Boosting Blush in Pink (about $12)
Wanted to love this. Sure did. Seems like it would be lovely.
Look how cute! But then when you swirl it all together – nothing.
This stuff just doesn’t do it for me pigment wise. Packaging? 100% win.
Will you even look at this adorable business right here?
Whoever put these together did a great job, but the formula is dry and chalky and there is just no pigmentation.
Look at the pink stuff, not the red stuff.
It’s not sparkly enough for a highlighter, it’s not pink enough to show up (on me) as a blush, and since it’s a higher-end drugstore item, I am sorry I spent the money.
Photo from NYX website.
NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream (around $6)
This one is super embarrassing, because I bought it twice. No kidding, twice – same color even. I can’t say exactly what’s wrong with this. The smell is a little off. The texture is a little off, the pigmentation and lip feel are a little off. So overall, even though this is a color, brand and product type I should love, I hate it. And now I have two. :-|
And people straight up LOVE these things – I don’t get it!
(See photo in section above for swatch of the lip cream.) I want to love it! But every time I put it on, I take it right back off.
OK that’s it for me! I hope this was helpful in planning your own shopping excursions, and let me know in the comments what some of your product regrets are!