On Why I Wouldn’t Make a Successful Junkie, Or Maybe Then Again I Would

The nice part about narcotics is that they make you not care about stuff. I like to not care about stuff. Not caring about stuff is highly underrated.  I am constantly caring about things that don’t need to be cared about. This takes the edge off that. But then it also takes the edge off of remembering what day it is, or what time of day, and if you’ve eaten breakfast or lunch, or which nap this is. It takes the edge off of a few too many things, maybe. So thumbs up for not caring, thumbs down for forgetting you’re supposed to care. I tried to cut down on the pain meds today, and guess what? I have legitimate pain. I forgot about that. That pain gets stabby without these narcotics. That’s no fun. Maybe what I really need is to be very wealthy and have a steady stream of narcotics and a minder. Someone to remind me what day it is, and where to sign for more meds. But then again that seems like it’s going to end in my laying in pile of my own waste while my minder does coke off a hooker’s ass in front of my kick-ass entertainment system. I doubt I’d have a conscientious minder. I don’t think conscientious people go into the minding business.

All I know is that I haven’t been going out there, and it’s nice to forget there’s a there that I have to eventually go back out to. There’s no “what’s going on fun out there” since I am not going out there, no matter what fun is to be had. That’s a big relief, actually. I am not missing anything, because I am missing everything. And that’s fine with me. Go away, world, I find you to be unnecessary. I am pretty sure you will still be around when this wears off.

   Filed under: Health Stuff, anti-socialism | Comment (0)

So anyway

So yeah, February always seems to be my month for health-related or other types of weirdness, and to keep up that tradition I had my gallbladder removed last week. I might do a longer post on the details of that once I can comfortably sit at the computer for a longer period and type more. (My hands are ouchy from the IV and blood draws and my belly doesn’t like to be bended, so much.)

So anyway I was just laying in bed looking at the new holes I have, and everything’s kind of ouchy, and I can’t move really well, and I keep getting these weird pinchy sensations where my gallbladder used to be, and I think – holy crap, someone cut three holes in me and stuck some implements up in there and snipped away one of my organs and yanked it out through my belly button. And despite that seeming as if it’s a big deal, kinda, I also feel as if I should be immune to the effects of it. OK that happened to me yesterday. Why do I still feel badly today? It’s both too big of a deal to be processed and something I would like to be entirely done with as of now, if you please.

I understand that I should probably be all “modern marvels of medicine!” and epiphany-laden, but really I am just a chick with the same exact issues she had last week, now with three extra holes and one fewer organs and a bunch of dried blood in her belly button. And also, you know, ow.

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Happy V-Day, kids!

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SOTD Regina Spektor – Hotel Song

Regina Spektor – Hotel Song

Come in, come in
Come into my world I’ve got to show
Show show you
Come into my bed
I’ve got to know
Know know you

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my fool
Will never be my fool

Floaters in my eyes
Wake up in a hotel room
Cigarettes and lies
I am a child, it’s too soon

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my fool
Will never be my fool

A little bag of cocaine
A little bag of cocaine
So who’s the girl wearing my dress?
I figured out her number
Inside a paper napkin
But I don’t know her address I wade downstairs
The porter smiles to me a smile
I’ve bought
With a couple of gold coins
A sign that I’ve been caught

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my dear
Will never be my dear, dear friend
Dear dear friend, dear dear friend…

A little bag of cocaine
A little bag of cocaine
So who’s the girl wearing my dress
I figured out her number
Inside a paper napkin
But I don’t know her address

Come in, come in
Come into my world I’ve got to show
Show show you
Come into my bed
I’ve got to know
Know know you

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my dear
Will never be my dear, dear friend
Dear dear friend, dear dear friend…

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Movie Review – “Grimm”

Since subscribing to Netflix I’ve mostly been watching things streamingly. Getting a DVD in the mail and sending it back seems very 2007, somehow. I wasn’t sure if I would ever use the mail-order DVD service at all. But they have a decent selection of foreign-language films, and as I was watching one of them I realized there was an option to turn the subtitles completely off – and hey that’s cool. If I can do that, I can practice my Dutch. (Last time I tried to watch Dutch movies it was with the movie “Karakter” on VHS, and you can’t turn the subtitles off. It’s so distracting, at one point I taped paper over the bottom of the screen.) For years I haven’t been able to listen to anyone speak Dutch except on internet radio, and I don’t want to lose all my spoken language skills, so I started ordering Dutch language movies. But here’s the thing. Dutch movies come in only three varieties, as far as I can tell.

1. Movies about The War in Dutch or in English (if you have to ask which war, you’ve never seen a Dutch movie. ) – these movies can be good or bad, it’s a mixed bag.
2. Movies made by Dutch people,  not about the war, filmed in the English language – these movies can be good or bad, it’s a mixed bag.
3. Movies not about the war, filmed in the Dutch language – these movies care almost invariably bad. The movies that cannot get funding to be made in English are apparently never supposed to be made at all. And I am not saying that I LIKE it that way, I am only saying what I have observed to date.

So anyway, I know by renting a movie in Dutch I am taking a chance that it’s going to blow. However, it’s nice to practice my skills, as I said, and I can always just have in on in the background while I do other things. Even with that low standard, “Grimm” is going to earn a menstrual cup rating from me. Here’s the official synopsis:

Dutch director Alex van Warmerdam defies tradition in this absurdist, darkly comic retelling of the classic “Hansel and Gretel” fairy tale. Brother and sister Jacob and Marie (Jacob Derwig and Halina Reijn) are abandoned by their family in the forest, with no other guidance than a note advising them to travel to Spain to visit their wealthy uncle. Embarking on a surreal odyssey, the siblings find their fortunes taking a number of unusual turns.

Now, you can’t tell it from that very small cover art there, but those are two grown-ass people on the cover. A Hansel and Gretel rehash with grown-ass people at the center makes no sense. Sure, they’re left alone in the woods by their father. But they’re not retarded – why don’t they go do something for themselves? Sitting on the ground and crying as an adult is very tempting, I agree, but it’s not really a workable life plan. So they’re promptly taken hostage by a farmer and his wife, and the man is sexually molested at gunpoint, while the woman is locked in a shed or something.  (Of course, it’s only molestation b/c the farmer’s wife is meant to be perceived as unattractive. If she’d been “hot” it would have been a fantasy seduction scene. Don’t even get me started there, though.) They escape by knocking the fat farmer and his fat wife through a cement wall (Ha ha! Nothing funnier than fat people falling down! ) and then promptly turn to a life of crime/prostitution.  They kill their first john, find a gun, and take off for Spain on a motor scooter. Once there they do more crimes, then get taken in by some Spanish guy who marries the girl while the guy mopes around being all incestuously love-lorn. Then we get all urban legend, as the guy is knocked out and his kidney snatched for the dying sister of his sister’s new husband. Confused yet? They make their magical escape, then hide out in a Spanish ghost town, disinfecting his wound with out-of-date eggnog, and then riding a donkey and practicing archery until the evil bad husband comes to “claim his wife” and they kill and bury him in the middle of the ghost town. After which point the girl says “I want to go home.” and they head off for home on the motor scooter. Begging the question, if they had a home to go to – why did they travel to Spain in the first place?

Ugh. It was a hot nonsensical mess. It MIGHT have been more interesting if the actors were children. You can see children making these choices, and forgiving them, or at least having empathy. But with grown people playing the parts you can’t feel anything but disgust for their idiocy.  Anyway, it blew.

But it was still nice to listen to Dutch being spoken. Let’s hope the next movie will be a smidge better though.

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Friday Five Things You Like to Smell

Kind of a simple Friday Five this week – I was pondering the weird things that some people find pleaseant or unpleasant to smell, and thought I’d take a poll. So here are the Friday Five things that you like to smell. (I’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate our menfolk for not going there – honestly.)

jeniburns - @superbadgirl #fridayfive magnolias, orchids, tea roses, Joe after a day of work, and Brodie’s hair after a shower. #yeahIknowImgirly

superbadgirl - Roses growing in my garden, gasoline, sandalwood candles, cookies baking and Vick’s Vapo-Rub. #fridayfive

narcise - old leather, lemon peels, vetiver, the rose bush in my front yard, wet soil #fridayfive

cbellers - @superbadgirl sandalwood, fried potatoes, burnt gunpowder, lavender, @zsb3 ’s skin. #fridayfive

avandonsel - @superbadgirl Freshly washed sheets, good chocolate, sandalwood, those damn Kevin Murphy hair products, coffee, gardenias. #fridayfive (six)

p_tea - @superbadgirl Hoppe’s #9, 90w gear oil, Lori’s head, cookies fresh out of the oven, leather. #fridayfive

avandonsel - @superbadgirl Interesting… so far three votes for sandalwood.

narcise - @avandonsel sandalwood and night-blooming jasmine are also on my list, but no room!

trmink - @superbadgirl bacon, baby powder, cedar, fresh basked bread, new books.

_bunny_ - @superbadgirl Roasting coffee beans, grilling meats, wet pavement, pesto, olfactory silence. #fridayfive

UnclePilot - @superbadgirl Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV, and Curly Sue. #fridayfive

superbadgirl - @UnclePilot I wonder what a roundhouse kick to the face smells like?

_bunny_ - @superbadgirl Like blood and victory.

violentecstasy - @superbadgirl patchouli, carmelizing onions, wet soil, leather, the air right before it rains. so hard to pick just five. #fridayfive

laurabean - @superbadgirl fresh cut wood, bpal’s lampades, peppermint, fancy pumpkin candles, pages of old books #fridayfive

Lorizs_tweets - Old Books, vanilla, pink sugar goat milk soap, cinnamon and my grandma’s house. #fridayfive

The_Cyr - @superbadgirl @vforvero’s morning shower, cinnamon rolls, used book stores, camp fires, summer storms. Also…deez nutz #fridayfive

El_Dickman  @superbadgirl Roasting garlic, fresh turned garden earth, slow cooked dry ribs, fresh cut grass, sage desert after the rain #fridayfive

drew_w - @superbadgirl cucumber-melon, eucolyptis, baby, leather, napalm in the morning.

cassiland - @superbadgirl brewing coffee, real sandalwood, fresh man sweat, linseed oil and turpenoid together, tomatoes still on the vine #fridayfive oooh, and fresh cut lumber, ivory soap, cedar chests, and freshly printed paper (not glossy) #fridayfive (tough to choose)

k_del - @superbadgirl Cupcakes, coffee beans, dogs feet (fritos), firecrackers, cilantro #fridayfive

stevodarkly - Coffee, barbecue smoke, menthol, chili cooking, & girl. Also hot chocolate, pipes that smell like hot chocolate, leather. #fridayeight

Joule - A spring thunderstorm, baking bread, the wild green smell deep in a rainforest, L’eau D’Issey perfume, Meyer’s lavender soap #fridayfive

ZSB3 - Ice rinks, the back of @cbellers neck, sawdust, gardenia, coffee. #fridayfive

SgtHotpants - #fridayfive Nick’s scent and cologne, Method Almond wood floor cleaner, caramelizing onions, white truffles, Clinique Happy Heart.

SgtHotpants - See also: puppy breath, jasmine, roasting garlic, my house, coffee

thatcesareguy - #fridayfive Ozone, old books, jasmine, cinnamon, pipe smoke.

sub_english - Libraries, tomato sauce, dirt in the springtime, autumn leaves, the smell of rain through an open window #fridayfive

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